Cold Turkey
by garganta
Summary: Piper goes to prison, but not because Alex names her. She's incarcerated because of abuse and possession of heroin. After she left her girlfriend in Paris the way she did she tried to move on but couldn't; guilt, loneliness and regret caught up with her, so she turned to drugs. This is about her path of healing and belonging- in more ways than one. AU, drug abuse, mature themes
1. Prologue

She couldn't say when it began. It was hard to pinpoint it to a certain time or moment, because all of it, her whole situation, was nothing more than the result of her mistakes, of her personality. This was how fate decided to make her pay and it was ironic, really, considering the fact that what nearly killed her was what- to some extent at least- made her leave _her_ back then in Paris.

And now, here she was, weak, aching and done. She was done with her life, done with her family, done with the guilt and done with her self-loathing. It was obvious to her that her next stop would be prison. Possession and abuse of a controlled substance did tend to do that.

She wondered how she looked. Probably pale, with dark shadows under her eyes. Weak. Karma really did a number of her. A few years ago she frowned upon people in her situation. Now others would frown upon her; a drug addict.

A shadow moved at the corner of her eye and she turned towards it. Polly was there, her best friend. She looked tired, her red hair in a messy bun, her eyes red rimmed and tear streaks stained her cheeks.

"Pipes, why didn't you ever tell me?" She whispered at the blonde, taking one of her cool hands in her own warm ones.

"What was I supposed to say, Pol?" Her voice was still shaky and tired. "Were my parents here?"

The redhead looked down, frowning. "Yeah…"

"They didn't want to talk to me, right?" She expected as much. Her mother was this perfect blonde white upper middle-class American lady. The perfect WASP. And now, her daughter turned out to be a drug addict, who OD'd on heroin and nearly died, so the thing to do to save your status among your other WASPy friends was of course to ignore the fact that all of that actually happened. Her father probably just couldn't see her like this.

Polly didn't say anything to her question but that was answer enough. She sighed. "What about Cal?"

"He said he's going to come by later today. He was there when you were still out."

Piper smiled at that. She loved her brother dearly.

Polly leaned over and brushed a strand of her from her face. "Pipes…are you going to tell me why?"

The blonde shrugged. "To feel something good for a change."

The redhead eyed her best friend curiously for a few moments before she squinted her eyes at her, suddenly suspicious. "All this…mess isn't about supercunt, is it?"

After a few moments of silence, Piper mumbled. "Don't call her that. Just because she was mean to you doesn't mean that she is a bad person."

"You didn't answer my question."

"You know the answer, Pol."

Polly shook her head, not sure what to say or do. But she hated that woman all the more now, with her being the reason her best friend poisoned her body and nearly killed herself.

In hindsight she was also really angry with herself. She should have seen Piper's struggle. She should have seen that Piper didn't really have anyone to get over the breakup. But how could she have known what happened to cause the breakup? What could have been so bad about it that it drove Piper to drugs?

And then there was also the fact that she didn't really recognize the way Piper changed. If she thought back, it was obvious. She got more withdrawn, she snapped more often at people and she also didn't wear short sleeved _anythings_ anymore. But the redhead was too caught up in her own world, too caught up in Pete and his proposal and her engagement.

All in all, she wasn't there for Piper the way she should have been and she felt horrible about it. The blonde didn't really have anybody. She rarely visited her brother and he didn't come close to anywhere that was civilization since he had his camper. He lived in the woods.

Piper was alone with her emotional struggle and Piper was never good with emotional struggle. The most recent evidence was lying right in front of her in a hospital bed after basically coming back from the dead.

"I know what you are wondering." Piper glanced at her from the corner of her eye. The redhead's heart clenched at the sight of the blonde. Her usually vibrant blonde hair looked dull and lifeless, her eyes were expressionless and the dark circles under her eyes showed a tiredness that made her seem far older than her 27 years.

"Then tell me. How could a simple breakup make you do drugs? I just can't wrap my head around it."

"I understand. You know…what I had with Alex…it was so intense." She smiled at the memory, despite how teary her eyes felt at the memory of the tall brunette. "There was so much passion, so much love…it felt like straight out of the movies…it was one of those larger than life things, you know?" She sniffled and struggled to raise her hand and wipe her tears away but Polly beat her to it, reaching out with a handkerchief. She mouthed a 'thank you' at the redhead before she continued. "All of that…I threw away. Because I was scared. Because I was selfish. But the worst part…was when I left her. Her mom just died Pol. She just found out that her mom had an aneurysm and that she died! She actually wanted to call her and ask her for advice to save our relationship but her aunt picked up and told her that her mom just died and I still left after she told me! I couldn't just be a decent human being and help her through it…I hate myself so much for it…" The blonde sobbed openly now, her voice still weak and rough.

Polly was shocked at her best friend's confession. She didn't realize how bad she actually felt, didn't realize how deep the guilt of the breakup actually was. The redhead sat at the corner of the bed and cradled the blonde's head against her side, stroking her hair.

When she calmed down a little, she continued. "I wasn't happy anymore, Pol. How often did you actually see me laugh? Like a real, open, carefree laugh? Everything I did and read and watched…felt hollow without Alex. With Larry…it wasn't right. Whatever it was he did do or didn't do or liked or didn't like…I compared it to Alex. And I just needed to escape from all of that. To numb everything; my life, my guilt, my loneliness. Even if it was just for an hour or two. And if I am honest Pol, after I got used to it I started to look forward for every shot."

"Pipes…I had no idea…"

The blonde just shrugged. She sighed, closed her eyes and drifted back off to sleep.

* * *

><p>It was an hour later when she woke up to the sound of harsh whispers. Blinking a few times against the light, she shifted and caught sight of her brother with Polly. They both turned around to her and Cal immediately walked up to her, pressing a kiss against her temple.<p>

"You fucking idiot."

"Yeah…I hear that a lot actually."

He chuckled and pulled a chair next to her. "How are you feeling?"

"Tired and…I don't know. At least I'm not craving, right?"

"Yeah…that's a good thing." He still seemed to try to grasp the fact, that his sister was in fact a drug addict. She could understand that; it would be a hard thing to understand for her too if the tables were turned. "You have to do your withdrawal treatment in prison, you know?"

"Oh."

"But don't worry. I talked with the officer who was there about the options and he said that in jail there's only really two options; either cold turkey or actual, medications." He looked her in the eyes, his silent pleading obvious. "We'll pay for the medical, Pipes. Just get well again."

Not trusting her voice, she nodded. She'd do her best, for him. For Polly. She didn't care much for her own wellbeing anymore, she was way past that. But she didn't want to make Cal and Polly sad.

"When…when do I have to go to prison?"

"It's not really clear yet. Your lawyer will come by tomorrow and talk it out with you. There's not going to be a full blown criminal case on you. Things will be talked out with the officials and they'll come to an agreement and run it by you I guess." Cal grinned at her. "If you find yourself a prison wife, please tell me how you managed that."

Piper chuckled at that and slapped his arm weakly. "Idiot…" She looked at the two single most important people of her life- the two only ones who she had left. "You guys will visit me, right? And write me?"

Polly sat on the corner of the bed, taking one of Piper's hands in her own. "Of course, Pipes. You don't even need to ask."

Cal lightly punched her shoulder. "Wouldn't miss my sis becoming all brawny."

Snorting she punched him back. "Yeah, right."

They kept talking and bantering for a few more minutes before Piper started feeling tired again, her eyes drooping. Polly and Cal both said their goodbyes and promised to come and visit her tomorrow again.

The moment they left and closed the door she started to sob into her pillow again.

* * *

><p>She hadn't slept like in what felt like weeks. Her withdrawal symptoms had started in the night after Cal and Polly left; muscles ached all over and sweat stained the hospital gown she was wearing in a matter of a couple minutes. A nurse came in and gave her a shot of Clonidine, which helped easing the aches and sweating but sleep was still something out of fairytales for her.<p>

There wasn't a big case over her drug abuse. She told her lawyer she'd accept whatever would be decided and that he didn't need to bust his ass over her case. So, she was charged for possession and abuse of controlled substances and would be in prison for 30 months.

The news neither made her upset nor angry. She took it stoically with a shrug and a nod. There was nothing she could do nor did she want to do something about it. Polly looked sad and Cal hugged her for a very long time, but that was about it. There were 7 billion people in the world but only two of them were somehow close to her: her best friend since college and her younger brother.

She was grateful that she had them but it still hit her at the oddest times that she, in fact, had no other friends. Not even real acquaintances.

And now, here she was; alone, sitting in the back of a minibus, orange scrubs, a bag with a pillow and a blanket and her files.

The woman driving the bus, Morello, was rather nice. She made some idle chitchat, nothing too exciting but talked about how prison wasn't half bad if you knew the right people. It was sweet.

Two more girls entered and, when a guard stepped inside the bus with them, Morello started driving. It wasn't too long until they arrived at the gates of the main unit of the prison.

They stepped out and the guard let them inside, were the pictures for their IDs would be taken by a tall guard with a mustache who looked really creepy and a younger one who walked with a limp.

She stepped forward when she was called and waited for her ID to be taken. It was fastened on her top by the younger one and she was glad for that. It may be just a gut feeling but she was sure the mustached one would have copped a feel.

She then was led inside with the other inmates and her and the Hispanic looking one were led to a transfer cell, where they would stay until they were assigned bunkmates and a counselor.

"Chapman."

She looked at the guard, a sweaty looking, round guy with blonde hair.

"It says that you have to stay here until you have undergone full withdrawal therapy and then you'll get assigned your bunkmate."

She nodded at that and then left he with the other women, leaving her and the Hispanic alone in the cell with two elder women, who were looking at them.

"What are your names?" The one with hair asked them. The other was bald but she had really no hair at all on her face, leaving Piper one conclusion and that would be cancer treatment; chemotherapy to be exact.

"Piper Chapman." The blonde answered.

"Daya Diaz." The other girl mumbled.

"I am De Marco and this is Miss Rosa. Your last names will suffice in here." She turned to Piper. "You, blondie. Chapman. O'Neill said something about your withdrawal treatment?"

"Yes?"

"You a junkie?"

Piper winced inwards at that but what could she say? It was true. She was a junkie, a drug addict. There was nothing she could change about it. "Yeah…"

"If you get cramps and the likes, be quit about it."

"I get my medicine every 6 hours, so you should be okay. I just move around a lot because I can't really sleep so I'll try to reduce that as much as possible."

De Marco nodded approvingly. "Fair enough."

Piper nodded and then turned to set up her bed when Morello came in. "Chapman. I got you a little something to make settling in easier."

The blonde raised a brow but gave a small smile when the petite woman handed her a toothbrush and a soap bar, both still unopened inside their package. "Thank you. That's kind."

"Well, we gotta look out for our own." She winked at Piper before throwing a glare at Diaz's direction.

Piper shook her head at that and then placed both items to the far side of her bed.

She climbed up and laid down, facing the wall. Tiredness claimed her fast and she closed her eyes, hoping for a few moments of sleep at least.

* * *

><p>Someone shook her and she opened her eyes, blinking and trying to find her orientation. "Wha…?"<p>

"Wake up, blondie. Time for lunch, you need your strength if you are trying to get clean."

She sat up and rubbed her eyes. "How long did I sleep?"

"Half an hour. Sorry for waking you, but food is important."

Piper nodded at her. "No, that's alright. Thanks for waking me."

Climbing down from bed, she followed the two older women, Diaz behind her. They entered the cafeteria and joined the row for their food. Piper was handed her full tray but realized that she had no idea where to sit when she saw a hand waving at her. She looked at De Marco and Miss Rosa who just both scoffed at her.

"Don't ask us for permission. Go."

Piper blushed a little at that but moved over to the petite woman.

"Hey Chapman, saved you a seat." Morello smiled warmly at her.

"Thanks." Piper placed her tray next to Morello and sat down.

She then smiled at the other women in greeting who were sitting with them.

Morello introduced them all to her; Yoga Jones, Sister Ingalls, Big Boo, Chang and Nicky Nichols.

"So, what are you in for, Chapman?"

"Drug abuse." She mumbled around a mouthful of bland whatever it was she was eating.

Suddenly Nichols became serious. "That's alright, man. I am an addict too."

Piper perked up at that, looking at Nichols. "Look, we are having NA meetings in here every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Why don't you join us?"

The blonde nodded, a small smile playing around her lips. "I'd like that. I'm still in the middle of my withdrawal though."

Nodding, the crazy haired woman smirked at her encouragingly. "Not a problem, we'll get you through this. If I made it and Vause made you can too."

At 'Vause' Piper's eyes got huge and choked on the food she was about to swallow. Morello slapped on her back helping her until she painfully swallowed it. Her eyes still teary and voice rough she looked at Nichols.

"Did you just say Vause? As in Alex Vause?"

Nichols looked curious now, a shit eating grin on her face. "Don't tell me that you know her."

Piper didn't answer but the look on her face said it all.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I seriously will regret for doing this but this idea was just stuck in my head and I couldn't concentrate on anything else until I got this out and written and I already have two ongoing stories. I really am bad at keeping up with more than one story but oh well.<strong>

**I will write this on occasion and I will write my crossover YBH on occasion. My main focus will still be on PIC. **

**So, tell me what you think about this. Should I continue this? Do you like the idea? Thanks for reading and remember to review!**


	2. Good And Bad Junkies

Piper didn't know what to do. Should she go and talk to Alex? She certainly needed to apologize for pretty much everything.

And something Nichols said stuck in her head.

"_If I made it and Vause made it…"_

Did that mean that Alex is now _clean_? Alex being clean meant that Alex did drugs. Piper felt her heart clench at the thought. Why would Alex do drugs? It probably was her thought. When she left, Alex did not only lose her girlfriend, who, according to the brunette, was the love of her life, but she lost her mother too. Basically, the two single most important people in Alex's life left her on the same day. It may sound crappy, but her using something to get away from a world that fucked her over more often than not seemed logical.

The blonde scratched her arms and hands. She felt agitated and sweaty. She craved a hit, the euphoria, the high. But it was time for her next shot of Clonidine. After being used to syringes offering her an escape from her self-destructive thoughts, offering her an escape from the darkness that had settled permanently in her mind, she hated the withdrawal medicine. It helped her with the cramps and the anxiousness, it helped with the sweating but it made her moody. While heroin became a good friend that offered her at least an hour or two of happiness and helped her to dislodge from her own mind, Clonidine just helped a little with withdrawal symptoms but offered nothing else. No euphoria, no high, no escape.

Heroin was Alex. Beautiful and deadly, destructive but she loved it all the same because it made her feel all those wonderful things.

Clonidine was Larry. It helped her to get over heroin but that was it. She didn't feel anything. She still missed those wonderful feelings, she still had the occasional cravings but it wasn't as physically painful anymore. It all was just lodged deeply in her mind, creating dark thoughts that carved themselves into her very being, forever there. Clonidine couldn't hide them.

She was standing in the line at nurse Dimaguiba's office, waiting for it to be her turn. She shifted from one leg to the other, glanced around, scratched her arms and trailed her track marks over the sleeve of her scrubs, shifted again.

"Yo, Chapman!"

She jumped at the loud voice, her heart racing and eyes wide. Turning around, she saw Nichols waving at her. The blonde gave the crazy haired woman a weak smile before taking a step forward as the line moved on.

Walking up next to the blonde, Nichols gave her a once over. "You look like crap."

Piper offered her a weak chuckle. "Thanks" She mumbled.

"Your symptoms getting worse?"

"Yeah…I feel achy and sweaty."

Nicky nodded in understanding. "When I was withdrawing, I had a runny nose, you wouldn't believe. Heck, I couldn't believe the amount of snot I produced."

Piper actually let out a huff of a laugh at that before she rubbed her eyes which became teary at the most random times. Probably another withdrawal symptom.

"Chapman!"

She moved up and rolled up her sleeve in the process, baring her track marks. She didn't really mind them, but wasn't comfortable with others looking at them. The nurse didn't show any indication of judgment or anything else for that matter, as placed the syringe with her medicine on her arm after finding a usable vein.

When he was done, he made a note on her file, gave her a few more instructions and dismissed her.

The blonde made her way towards her cell to lie down a bit as Nicky followed her. "So, when did you start using H?"

Piper thought back for a moment. "I think something around one and a half year? At the beginning it wasn't even regularly…over time I started to use it more and more often." She shrugged.

Nicky nodded. "You know, when I try imagining you healthy, without that whole junky look- you know, pale skin, dark circles under your eyes and all that- you don't seem like someone to us that kind of drugs. Maybe something like X, you know, party drugs and the shit, but H is serious business man."

Piper shrugged. "I understand. I was in a bad place; still am. I felt lonely, I had bad thoughts. I had no one to talk to. I needed an escape, just for a little while and heroin offered it. Add to that the strained relationship- at best- with my mother…" They both were silent for a few minutes as they kept walking when Piper spoke up again, but more silent. "You know…I miss it. Not in a craving way…or addictive way…I just miss it. If someone would offer me a hit…I don't think I would hesitate."

Nicky threw an arm over the blonde's shoulders. "That's alright. Wasn't any different for me. Even now I crave a hit on bad days and honestly, in here you'll have a lot of them."

They arrived at Piper's cell and Nicky led her inside. The crazy haired woman was about to say her goodbyes when Piper grasped her arms, stopping her from leaving. Raising an eyebrow she waited on the blonde to say what was on her mind.

"What you said earlier…about Alex making it…was she an addict?" Her voice was low, almost a whisper and she looked everywhere but the redhead's eyes.

"Yeah, she actually was."

"Oh." The blonde said in a flat voice. "Okay."

Nicky crossed her arms over her chest, cocking an eyebrow. "Sounds like you and Vause have history." It was more of a statement then question.

"You could say that."

A big grin formed on Nicky's features. "I am already smelling dyke drama. I can't fucking wait."

She almost sounded giddy.

* * *

><p>Piper slept for about 15 minutes before waking up again. Her symptoms weren't as bad anymore as before, so she got up and decided to take a shower.<p>

She was warned that the showers were really dirty and that she would need slippers, so she made herself some with sanitary pads right after lunch.

The water was lukewarm at best, so she decided to make it as quick as possible. Once, showers and baths were her happy place but since she left Alex her happy place became a place of memories that made her heart ache. The prison showers didn't make it any better.

When she was done, she wrapped herself in a scratchy towel and stepped out and dried herself up. She glanced down at her body and sighed.

Over the past year, she lost a lot of weight. She wasn't unhealthily thin and, when wearing clothes, people wouldn't recognize it if they didn't know what to look for, but she probably needed to start changing her eating habit.

After being fully clothed and her dirty laundry being put inside her laundry bag, she walked back to her cell and nodded at the other three inmates she shared it with. She hung her bag on her clothes hook and decided to take a trip to the library. Alex used to read a lot and it was one of the few things that they had in common. They were so different from each other, came from two different worlds and the few things they did have in common they enjoyed to the fullest. She would get lost in Alex's voice when she would read to her.

The library looked surprisingly inviting, considering it was in a prison and the variety was looked at least promising.

As she browsed through the shelves, looking for a book to read, her head perked up as she heard a familiar, yet almost forgotten voice.

"What is it, Nichols?"

"You weren't at lunch."

Piper leaned closer to the voices.

"Again, I wasn't hungry."

"You missed the fresh meat."

The deeper voice snorted. "Knowing you, you were already busy with her and you know that I don't go for sloppy seconds."

Nicky laughed at that. "You know me too well but I don't think you would have appreciated if I'd eaten that particular pussy."

"Oh? And why is that?"

"Imagine this: she is blonde. She has blue eyes and silky smooth skin. Obviously comes from money. A little WASPy. Probably went to college. Has a fit body and toned legs, as far as you can tell with that fucking prison uniform."

"Doesn't sound all that special to me."

Piper felt a little hurt, but she could hear the suspicion out of Alex's voice. She moved closer to them, her concentration fully on the conversation.

"Alright, last hint. She begins with C and ends with hapman."

She heard movement and someone got up, so she quickly turned around but crashed into a chair, cursing under her breath as she rubbed her knee. She glanced back and just saw Nicky grinning gleefully at her before she heard more movement from behind the shelf.

"No way, Nichols. No fucking way. No. Where is she?"

Piper's eyes widened in panic as she frantically shook her head but Nicky just pointed at her direction and suddenly she was there.

Still those ridiculously hot glasses, still those perfect eyebrows and lush lips, still that dark hair and green eyes. She was still breathtakingly perfect.

"Pipes?"

The blonde was frozen, she didn't know what to say or do, how to react. Should she run away, should she talk, should she just stay silent and hope that she would ignore her?

Alex moved closer to her, an unbelieving look in her eyes as she looked her ex-girlfriend up and down. "Jesus, kid…you look kinda crappy…"

Piper chuckled weakly, looking down, scratching her arm. She craved a hit right now more than ever. "Thanks…"

Sighing, Alex ran a hand through her hair. "Do you…do you want to talk?"

"Why would you want to talk to me?"

"You are right, I have no reason whatsoever to even remotely look at your direction but we are obviously stuck in here so we might as well be civilized with each other. And, against my better judgment, I still care a fucking lot about you and I really am curious about what you are doing here."

"Okay."

* * *

><p>Alex dragged her away from the library- not before shooting Nicky a death glare at her overly excited expression- and inside the chapel. "Usually people fuck here, but we can actually make use of this place's holier perks."<p>

Piper chuckled weakly, still being incredibly anxious. She wasn't sure if this had anything to do with her withdrawal at all or if it just was Alex. When Alex was around, nothing really made any sense anymore.

They sat down on the stage of the chapel and neither said anything for a while. When they were together, they could just sit around silently with each other and it was always curious. Glances, smiles and smirks would do the talk; soft touches here and there would be the whispering of dirty promises.

But those days were over. Now, sitting next to each other on the stage of a chapel in prison after three years since their breakup, they didn't know what to say; afraid of offending the other, of alienating the other before they even were on friendly terms again.

Finally, Alex took the plunge. "How have you been?"

Piper mulled the question over, wondering if she should be honest or if she should be irrationally proud about it. She then just sighed. "Could be better."

"Why?"

Piper glanced up at the brunette. "I am in prison, Alex."

Chuckling at that, Alex nodded. "That brings me to the thing I was really wondering. Why are you in here Pipes? I could have named you and gotten a lot of time off, but I didn't. I should have, though. The point is that no one else in the Cartel cared about you enough to even remember what you looked like. So it couldn't have been for Brussels. What the fuck did you do, Pipes?"

The blonde sighed. She knew she would have to tell Alex at one point. "I'm an addict…"

Alex stared at Piper for a long time; her already pale features seemed even paler. "You…what?" Her voice sounded strangled and it took afford to form the words.

Piper didn't want to say it again; she fidgeted with her fingers, then with the sleeve of her scrubs, trying to suppress the habit of scratching her arm before she couldn't anymore. Usually the itches would start soon after she took a hit but with the withdrawal her body, especially her arms and hands, started getting itchy.

The brunette reached over and grabbed her arm, stopping her from scratching. She then reached over with her other arm and pulled the blonde's sleeve up, gasping at the track marks, the dots lining up along the blonde's veins.

"Pipes…" Tears started to fall from the Alex's eyes as her thumb brushed over the injection points. She then looked up at her ex-girlfriend, who looked down at her lap. "Why?"

The blonde shrugged. "I was miserable. My life was miserable. I didn't fit anywhere. I didn't have any friends aside from Polly who was in her engagement high and I couldn't stand it. I couldn't stand the happiness of others. I needed to escape…even if it was just for a little while."

She left out the part of guilt and regret, not feeling ready or confident enough to reveal that piece of information.

"Oh god…Pipes…"

"You don't need to feel guilty, Alex."

"How can I not feel guilty? You basically used my shit! I did business with heroin and you are a heroin addict!"

Not knowing what to say she just sighed and kept staring at her lap. Basically, Alex was right. She didn't sell it in the streets but she still distributed it, made it available so it could be sold.

Of course she would feel guilty and that was why Piper didn't want her to know, even when it was obvious that she wouldn't be able to hide it.

"When did you start using?"

The blonde sighed. "One and a half year…"

"You look surprisingly healthy."

"I first just took the occasional random hit…it got more frequently over the past year."

"And no one realized?" Alex shook her head, unable to grasp anything she was told by the blonde.

"Like I said…I didn't have anybody. I hardly ever talk to my mom and with my dad I usually talk over a phone call…I rarely visit Cal, Danny I haven't seen in forever and Polly was busy with her engagement and wedding plans."

"But…you were her maid of honor, right? So you would have seen her regularly, right?"

"Well yeah, but she didn't want to marry right away. We wanted to get our business going first and well, after I started doing heroin I wasn't a big help anymore. She just thought I needed a break so…"

"Fuck…" Alex again ran her thumb along the track lines, still holding tightly onto the blonde's arm.

"Nichols told me that you did heroin too."

"Yeah, but I'm a bad fucking addict." Alex shrugged. "I never missed using it. I miss the rush and power of the business but not the using."

Piper nodded. Alex was good at it; more than good actually. She was rapidly climbing the career ladder in the cartel, but the higher she climbed, the more responsibility she had to carry. Her jobs became more difficult and demanding and the time she spent with Piper dwindled.

"How were you caught?" Alex asked.

"I…was in my bathroom. I had a bad day. Polly said she'd come over later since we haven't really spent time together in forever…I figured I had time so I took a hit and kind of…overdosed."

Alex's eyes got wide. "You…overdosed?" Her eyes got teary again.

"Yeah…I guess." She looked at the wall behind Alex, not wanting to look her in the eyes. "I don't remember anything after…just that I woke in the hospital later. Polly said that she came early because she couldn't wait. I guess I got lucky."

"You _guess_ you got lucky?! Pipes, how can you be so _whatever_ about it? You nearly died!"

How could she explain that to Alex? How could someone explain what she felt for years to somebody else? For years the swirling darkness in her mind engulfed her very being, pulling her deeper and deeper inside. The loneliness she felt outside in the world she felt inside her own mind too. She wasn't happy. She hadn't laughed in ages. She felt lonely, no matter where she was or who she was with. Her life was miserable. She was miserable. She hated herself and the life of regret, guilt and emptiness she felt since she left the brunette in Paris. Heroin helped her to forget all of that. If her body had to pay the price for some peace from her own thoughts then so be it.

"Sorry…" Was the best she could come up with.

Her face held an expression of utter disbelief. Her voice was thick with sadness at what became of her once so vibrant ex-girlfriend. "What happened to you, kid?"

Piper looked at her hands. That was a good question actually. Sometimes she herself wondered what became of the once so happy and innocent girl who majored in English literature in college, how she became a junkie who now would spend 30 months in prison. She looked at Alex, who had such a sad and heartbroken look on her face. She wondered what Alex thought and felt.

"I don't know, Al…I really don't know. I guess…I just am a good junkie."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Really?! 13(!) reviews after just one single chapter? Holy crap, I am so pumped right now! I couldn't not write a chapter right after that! Thank you all for that amazing response to the first chapter of this story. Just…WOW.<strong>

**And sorry if there are any obvious spelling or grammar mistakes. I am just lazy, not bad at English.**

**Thank you all for the reviewing, for the favs and follows. I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Review please and tell me what you think! I won't say no to another 13 reviews of course.**


	3. The Really Pleasant Parts Of Withdrawals

Her first night in prison was uncomfortable to say the least. She couldn't sleep; her insomnia, caused by her withdrawal, was keeping her awake and she had no means to do anything against it. Walking around was out of question because she had no legitimate reason to be up and on her feet at night, so she tossed and turned in her bed, trying to be as silent as possible in the process.

She wondered how Polly was doing. Piper told the redhead that she shouldn't wait for her to be out of prison to marry when she found out how long her prison sentence was. The redhead didn't have many female friends aside from Piper, but the blonde knew that Polly was an easy person to like and that another of her friends would do her best to be a good maid of honor. It wouldn't be her best friend, but a really good friend would be close and good enough to fulfill that role. Of course Piper felt horrible for missing her best friend's wedding but it was better that way.

Piper also wondered about her parents. Did they even care about their daughter? She wondered if they just chose to ignore the fact that existed. They hadn't been there to see her off to prison and they hadn't visited her in the hospital after her overdosing.

She turned around, her eyes burning from tiredness, staring at the wall. Sleep was still very far away and she wondered if she would be able to sleep when all this was over.

A hand caressed the wall, fingers drawing random pattern on the fading white paint. Her first whole day in prison included, it was now 5 days since her last hit. She rarely took hits two days in a row. She often craved it and muscle aches and moodiness often accompanied her throughout a day, but she didn't want to become too suspicious to others with her behavior. The last 3 weeks before she overdosed was when she couldn't help herself anymore. It was then when she started to take hits daily, usually when she came home from work. The last 2 weeks was, when she didn't leave her home anymore, aside from going out to her dealer. She started to do heroin more than once a day, didn't bother cleaning anymore, her hygiene got worse and her dealer offered to give her an additional gram for a blowjob but she had the money on her- but just about. He was pissed but took the money anyways. She still wondered if she would have gone through with it if she didn't have the additional money.

Not being able to sleep made her remember all these things and remembering all these things made Alex's question echo in her head relentlessly.

"_What happened to you, kid?"_

She couldn't tell. All she knew was that over the past 3 years bad thoughts became a permanent companion in her life; poisonous thoughts, cursing through her body and eating away at her. The added loneliness- real loneliness, the real deal when you feel so alone that not even a group of laughing people can pull you out of it depth- made her snap and out came what she is now, a woman who lost herself deep in the swamp of heroin. In those days the drug was her only companion and she missed it. She honestly, truly missed using it, no matter how dangerous the drug was.

At dinner, Nicky had asked her to join them at the NA meeting. The blonde was willing to give it a go. Maybe then, she could get her life back on track. But then what? What would she do, when her life was _'back on track'_? After she left Alex, she wanted to get back on track. Away from the cartel, away from drug importing and money smuggling. Away from a woman who didn't really explain to her what she should do with the bag of money, how she should proceed and what to expect. Away from a woman who didn't tell her what could happen if she lost the bag of money.

* * *

><p>"<em>Alex, I was so freaked out when the bag didn't show up. I almost bailed!"<em>

"_Well, it's a good thing you didn't. There's 50 grand in that bag; Kubra would've had you killed."_

* * *

><p>She could've had the life everyone expected from her. She could've had a kind husband in Larry, who was everything Alex wasn't. She could've had children with him, a nice cute house with a garden where her children could play; the whole white-picket-fence-package.<p>

But she couldn't. Back then, she couldn't live with Alex. As soon as she left though, she realized that she couldn't live _without_ the brunette either.

The nice quite life was unbearable. She tried to fit in with Polly's crowd but couldn't. She tried a relationship with Larry, but he didn't have anything on Alex. Sex with him was bleak at best, whereas sex with Alex was fireworks, sparks, explosions and lightnings.

When she broke up with him, the loneliness really started to set in. She tried parties and clubs, pubs, a few one-night-stands, mostly with women, to compensate, but nothing worked. At that time she really, fully realized what she threw away. At that time, Piper missed Alex more than ever. She missed her laughs, her cries, her voice, her hands and breasts, her smell, her fingers and tongue. Daily, she wondered where she was, what she was doing, if she had had someone to help her over her mother's death, which should have been her job to begin with. The guilt etched itself into her very being, the regret of her decision began to haunt her with a vehemence she never experienced before. She got more and more miserable, more depressed until one day she saw a dealer selling heroin to someone behind a club. Out of a whim, she bought herself a gram, went home, locked herself in her bathroom and, after looking up on how to use heroin, took her first hit.

That one hour of euphoria was the first time she felt amazing. The sweet heaviness in her limbs, the warmth spreading through her body, the sudden unexplainable happiness and comfort was such a turnaround from the life she led for the past one and a half year.

"Chapman!"

She jumped, nearly falling down from her bed. The guard with the mustache, affectionately called 'Pornstache' by the inmates, hit their cell door with his baton, effectively waking her cellmates up. If his grin was any indicator, that was just what he intended.

"Time for your next medicine shot, freakin' junky."

She slowly moved down from her bed, her muscles aching. Lost in her the depth of her mind, she hadn't realized how much she sweated again. It was now cool on her skin, making her feel cold. The guard opened the door and waited for her to move out before he closed it again, hitting the iron bars a couple last times to wake her cellmates completely up.

"Ha, I fucking love this job." His grin turned into a sneer at the sight of her. "Move."

He moved at a slow pace, glancing down at her sweaty hair and pale, oily looking skin. "God, you look like shit."

She didn't answer, concentrating on the path to the prison nurse's office.

"Bet you'd like a hit right now."

Her heart sped up at the thought.

"Did you like the preparing part? I mean, the looking for a vein, the needle breaking through your skin, knowing that soon, at any moment, you'll feel good again, y'know? Away from your fucked up life, just for a moment."

She folded her arms over her chest, her hands tucked under them, trying to hide the shaking. The guard's words didn't shake her- she knew full well herself how much she wanted a hit. But his words made her desire, her _want_ even bigger. As if he wanted to make her weak; show her how weak she was.

He succeeded.

"You always hear how resourceful inmates are in prison. It's true, y'know? Somehow they manage to sneak shit in here and no one knows how. I wonder if they found away to get to drugs."

Her head swiveled towards the guard, almost hurting her neck in the process. Her eyes were wide as saucers, but the guard kept staring ahead as if he didn't even know what he just said. As if it wasn't even said.

Almost painful, her heart pumped against her chest, her breathing heavy.

"Here we are." He stopped, knocked once on the door and opened it, pushing her inside. He smirked at her and she kept staring at him, wide eyed, until he closed the door.

The nurse gave her the medicine, dismissed her and she walked out, the guard waiting at the door for her.

"That shit got nothing on heroin, right?" He chuckled at her, his smirk betraying the enjoyment he took out of tormenting her.

But he was right. That shit really got nothing on H.

* * *

><p>Before breakfast, she managed 10 minutes of some shut eye. Her feet dragged her tired body to the end of the line and, almost on autopilot, she grabbed her full tray of something that resembled scrambled eggs and something else and walked over to the table with Nicky, Morello and the rest of the crew; this time Alex was there too.<p>

She dropped the tablet on the table and let herself drop down heavily on her seat, her head immediately dropping into the palm of her head, propped up.

"You okay, Pipes?" Alex's voice was laced with concern.

"Yeah…yeah, just a bad night." She wanted to ask if what the guard said was true; if people managed to get drugs inside, but she knew she couldn't.

A wave of nausea suddenly hit her. "Shit…"

"You sure you okay, Chapman?" Nicky asked.

"I feel sick…" Her words were followed by a dry heave.

The crazy haired woman chuckled at that. "Ah yes, now she's at the really pleasant part of withdrawals."

Alex immediately got up and walked around the table to Piper. She grasped the blonde under her arms and threw one around her shoulder as she walked her to the bathrooms, all the while praying that she wouldn't puke on their way.

They made it to the bathrooms without any incidents and Piper immediately dashed to a toilet and leaned over, retching, then emptying her stomach. Alex gathered the blonde hair in a fist, holding it away from Piper's face while rubbing her back.

After the worst was over, Piper took a few deep, shaky breaths. "Thanks…" She mumbled; her voice shaky and weak.

Alex shook her head, wondering what had gone wrong in Piper's life, what happened to the girl she was so deeply in love with. "You shouldn't be like this, Pipes."

Piper turned her head slowly at Alex's general direction. "What?"

The brunette shrugged. "You're not supposed to be the fucked up one. You are…you are supposed to be…I don't know, Pipes. Not this. You're supposed to be this perfect girl I met at that bar with that bullshit resume."

A shaky hand reached over, flushing the toilet. She sat down against the toilet stalls wall. "Those days of my life are over, Al." Her voice sounded rough, her throat sore and burning from her stomach acid. "This is who I am now. I can't change it. Everything I had from that life is gone. My college degree is useless now…a junky and ex-con won't be taken anywhere."

"No!" The brunette's voice sounded thick and Piper looked up, only to see those green eyes she loved so much brimming with tears. "You shouldn't be a junky! You shouldn't be an ex-con! Fuck Pipes…you were fucking perfect…" She whispered the last part. "With all your selfishness and naivety and all your bullshit, you were just so fucking perfect…"

She had to admit, she was stunned. It wasn't like she didn't expect Alex to take her addiction hard, but not like this. "No, Alex. Just no."

"What?"

"Just…stop. I wasn't perfect. And now I am just about as far from perfect as possible."

Alex just shook her head. She wanted to shake Piper, to ask and prod until there was _something_ that could show her how the blonde hit rock bottom, but she dropped it.

Piper struggled to get up, so Alex reached over and helped the blonde. She washed her face at the sink and rinsed out her mouth, trying to get out the acidic taste as good as possible.

They got out of the bathroom when Alex ran a hand through her hair and sighed. "You need to go see the nurse for the nausea. And ask for something against diarrhea as well…it'd be crappy if it'd hit you by surprise…literally."

The blonde nodded in affirmation. "…thank you, by the way. For helping me out."

Alex seemed to hesitate for a moment, before she mumbled. "Fuck it." She suddenly pulled the blonde into a tight embrace, shocking her. Piper stiffened and tried to relax, but found it hard.

The brunette's familiar smell invaded her senses though, calming her a little at least, making her tense muscles relax in her ex-girlfriend's arms.

"I know we have a lot of shit to talk about…especially on your part. I know that things between us are tense, uncomfortable and complicated at best…but all of that crap can wait. I hate seeing you like this, kid. I know what you were like, I know how much you used to laugh and how excited you got every time you saw something new…" Alex let out a shaky breath. "I just want you to be okay again, Pipes. Everything else can wait. I mean it. Just, please, be okay again."

Piper didn't say anything. She didn't react in any way. She didn't know what she should say or do, so she just let out the breath she held.

"Inmates!"

They jumped away from each other and Alex threw the guard a glare. She then turned back to Piper. "Will you be at the NA meeting?"

The blonde nodded. "Yeah…Nichols told me about it yesterday."

"Good. It'll help you."

Nodding, Piper shifted from one foot to the other, suddenly feeling awkward. "I'll…go, take my medicine."

"Yeah…you do that. I can have Nicky bring you some food…she can ask Red for something to help with the nausea."

"That'd be nice…thanks."

* * *

><p>The NA meeting was more pleasant than Piper anticipated at first. They didn't ask her to talk yet and she was grateful for that. At first she just wanted to listen to the others, what their stories were and how they got clean again.<p>

Alex sat next to her with Nicky and she didn't know what to make of it. It felt like they were making it their personal agenda to get her clean again and it somehow was endearing and annoying at the same time. She didn't say a word though.

Nicky got up and told them her story and Piper actually listened to that one with rapt attention. Nicky's story was somewhat similar with her own. She came from money, had a mother who was never really there and usually was more alone than not. While Nicky's mother was physically away, Piper's mom may have been there but in an interpersonal level never was. She was a too distant, cold person with to insane standards to make Piper ever comfortable around her, to make Piper feel close to her.

Both started drugs to escape from loneliness, though both had experienced a different kind of loneliness and both had other things mixed in with their loneliness that ultimately triggered their addiction, but all in all, Piper felt that they both had a lot in common.

She had to puke again just before dinner and felt all in all miserable. Her medicine against nausea and vomiting wasn't really helping but at least she didn't have to go for messy number two's yet.

Before heading to bed, she also started shivering a lot, her skin covering itself in goose bumps. The nasty part of her withdrawal process was beginning.

So, here she was, lying in bed, not able to sleep and rolled up in fetus position. She was shivering, her clothing and bed sheets covered in sweat and her breathing ragged.

Her body craved a hit, her mind craved a hit and instead of feeling wonderful and invincible she felt anything but. It was almost a whole week since her last hit and she couldn't remember the last time she went a whole week without.

Her whole body ached and her stomach was cramping the whole day, accompanied by the two times she puked.

She jerked up from her lying position, when a loud clang sounded through the silent halls.

"Chapman!"

It was Pornstache again. Her cellmates were all awake now and there were mutterings ranging from curses directed at the guard to curses directed at her. She got up and shakily, shivering, walked up to him and through the door after he opened it.

They walked in silence the whole time to the nurse's office and the procedure went on as always, aside from the nausea medication she now got; needle in, needle out, write down notes, send away.

She and the guard were on their way back and they were close to their destination when she felt something tap the side of her hand. Looking down her eyes got huge, but she opened her palm, took it and pulled down her sleeve over her hand. She went inside, climbed up her bed and hid the full syringe under her pillow.

* * *

><p><strong>AU: I think I'll continue this for now until I figure how to continue Partners In Crime, because honest, I am kind of lost right now regarding that story. And there's also the fact, that you guys followed my "I wouldn't say no to another 13 reviews" quite down to the letter. I had to laugh at the exactly another 13 reviews.<strong>

**Don't worry though, I enjoy writing all my stories way to much right now to give up on any of them. I'll also continue You Belong Here, but that just when I feel the need for something slower, nicer and happier. Right now I want my chars to go through bad times and Piper here seems to be at the brink of a disaster, am I right?!**

**Don't you guys forget to review! Let's see if you can do another exact 13 ;) **

**And thanks for all the reviews, favs and follows! You guys are the best.**


	4. The Body Is Free, The Mind Is Not

The morning after Pornstache sneaked the syringe filled with heroin into her hand was pure agony. She sneaked it into the pocket of her fresh pair of scrubs bottoms and showered as fast as she could, double and triple checking the pockets to make sure that it was still there.

She had to puke once and went to get stronger meds against her nausea and vomiting, tense through it all, afraid of losing the heroin in her pocket, afraid of someone catching on.

The tension never left her throughout the morning and she was glad when she finally found a little time for herself. Nicky walked past her cell, wanting to pick her up for lunch but she declined, saying that just the thought of food made her stomach queasy. The redhead nodded in understanding and told her to rest.

When her cellmates all left for lunch, Piper checked the hall but it was empty. She then looked through the small lockers of her cellmates and found a small hair tie. It would have to do.

She sat on the far side of her bed, her back to the door, and pulled the hair tie as far up her forearm as possible, trying to block the blood flow. A few seconds later she looked for a suitable vein and when she found one she took the syringe and removed the cap with her teeth, spitting it onto her bed.

Her heart was racing and sweat was forming on her forehead. The hand with the syringe was shaking and she needed to take a couple deep breaths to calm herself. Excitement was rushing through her body, her surroundings blurred away, voices became mere white noise.

Her breathing became heavy and her eyes were wide as the needle inched closer to her skin, ready to penetrate it, when suddenly a voice broke through.

"Pipes?"

Her head whipped around, her hand instinctively loosening its grasp on the syringe, dropping it to the floor.

"Fuck!" She jumped down from her bed but was pushed back into the lower one before she could get her hands on her heroin.

Alex picked the syringe up, a deep frown on her face. Piper was back on her feet, trying to snatch it from Alex's hands, but the brunette pushed Piper back on the bad. "Where did you get this from?!" Her voice was low, angry.

"Give it back, Alex, please!" Her skin was still tingling from anticipation, her craving was unbearable.

"Are you insane?" Alex put the syringe in her pocket and grabbed Piper by the hand, dragging the distraught blonde to the bathrooms. Piper shivered heavily; all she wanted was this one hit and she would be okay again.

The brunette led Piper to the only stall with an actual door. She opened it and made Piper sit down. "You wait here."

"Where are you going?" Piper wanted to sit up, but Alex pushed her back down on the seat. "Can I have it back?" Alex ignored her and left the bathroom. "Alex!"

She debated just leaving, lying down on her bed and trying to forget about this missed opportunity. Her head dropped heavily against the stall and she hated Alex right now. One hit was all she wanted, sating her body's and mind's craving, giving herself peace for an hour or so. It wasn't like she wanted to hurt somebody. All she wanted was to do and feel something nice for herself in here; to give herself a small treat.

The door opened and there were some voices.

"She's in here."

The door to her stall opened and Alex was there with Nicky and an angry looking, red-haired lady.

"Can I have it back?" The blonde stared at Alex, her eyes pleading, _begging_ with the brunette.

Alex sighed, frustrated. "Fuck, Pipes…"

"Blondie." Her head snapped to the older woman. "Who gave you the dope?" She asked with a thick Russian accent.

"A guard."

Nicky shook her head. "Mendez."

"Mendez." Alex added, nodding.

"Has to be." The woman looked angry. "Son of a bitch."

Alex knelt before her, taking her hands in her own. "Pipes. Did he give you anything before?"

The blonde shook her head.

"Didn't the Miss Rosa and De Marco tell you to stay away from him?" She asked.

Piper shook her head. "No…I think he has the night shift."

"But they can tell you in the morning…" She scoffed angrily. "Look, you need to stay away from him, Pipes. He pulls shit like that all the time. He preys on addicts. He gives you one hit as a gift and for the rest he'll want blowjobs or a quickie. You cannot _ever _take anything from him. Promise me."

Sighing in defeat, the blonde nodded. Her body and mind screamed _no_, to hell with any promises and consequences, do whatever it takes for a hit but deep down she _knew_ that Alex was right. If what the brunette said was true, she needed to stay as far away from him as possible.

"He takes me to the nurse for my nightly medication shot."

The Russian lady scoffed. "Of course. Makes you an easy target, too."

"Ignore him. Tune him out, whatever he says and does, ignore it." Nicky told her.

"But can I have the one last hit? It will be the last. I promise!"

"No." The Russian lady said in a tone that dismissed any complaints. She held her hand out and Alex gave her the syringe. She went over to a sink and the three women followed her and suddenly Piper's eyes got big.

"Don't!" She struggled against Nicky and Alex as the older woman emptied the syringe into the sink, her shoulders slumping in defeat as a pitiful whimper escaped her lips.

* * *

><p>She felt physically and mentally drained. Being so close to getting a hit threw her far back in her mental withdrawal process.<p>

5 days had passed since then and physically she felt actually good. Her body didn't crave it anymore, her body actually felt as healthy as it hadn't in months.

Forcing one's body off of heroin usually took around a week, depending on the severity of the addiction. She was a heavy addict, having used it for so long. For her it took a little longer but in the end her withdrawal symptoms were gone. She slept several times in a day now, resting her body for as long as she could. Nicky told her that she would be assigned to some kind of work when being assigned her counselor and bunkmate.

The NA meetings went on nicely, Piper had attended to every single one since Nicky asked her too and Alex looked pleased by that.

So, she was in the library, sitting alone at a table and reading, when the younger guard, Bennett, walked up to her. "Chapman, you've been assigned your counselor. Mr. Healy asked you to meet him so he can assign you to your bunkmate."

* * *

><p>She entered her new counselor's office after knocking. He looked up for a moment from his paperwork and beckoned her to sit down. The blonde took one of the chairs opposite from him and folded her hands in her lap.<p>

"Inmate Chapman." He took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. "I've heard you are now completely off your drugs?"

"Yes, sir." She answered in a soft voice.

"Good. Do you feel well enough to work at electrical?"

She furrowed her brows. "Why wouldn't I?"

"I don't know. You junkies might crave your drugs at the oddest times. It might be dangerous if there are tools that can potentially be used as weapons near you." He looked at her with distaste.

Piper looked at her folded hands, fidgeting in her lap. "No. I'm fine."

"Good. Other than that…no lesbian activity…" Her eyebrow rose at that. "…and your bunkmate will be Inmate Nichols. You will probably get along splendidly, her being a drug addict too. And remember." He looked her pointedly in the eyes. "No. Lesbian. Activity."

"Yes, sir." She whispered. She wanted to get out of here.

"You can leave now."

And she did.

* * *

><p>She took the box with her few belongings and was shown by a guard where to attain her new prisoner uniform. Placing herself at the end of the line, she waited until it was her turn and jumped a little when she realized that Alex handed out the boots.<p>

The brunette smirked her trademark smirk and Piper glanced repeatedly at her lips. "9 and a half, right?"

Surprised that she still remembered, Piper just nodded, not trusting her voice. She thanked her ex-girlfriend and got the rest of her uniform, her mind drifting.

She wondered if Alex just took pity on her and was acting so nice because of her addiction. Of course, feelings never went away when someone led such a fiery and passionate relationship like theirs, but what Piper did, the way she left, _must_ have left scars, deep wounds, in the brunette's heart. Something, that would always remind her of the kind of person Piper was, something that would never ever completely heal.

All of this would be easier to understand, easier to handle for the blonde if Alex would just be spiteful with her. Of course, she was grateful that Alex was supportive during her withdrawal, because it made it easier, physically at least. But her mind, that was a completely different matter.

She reached the suburbs and looked for Nicky's bunk. Upon finding it, she dropped her box on her small locker and then changed her clothes, stuffing her orange scrubs in the uniform.

After she was done, she dropped down on the bed, turning towards the wall, drawing her knees up and let herself drift to sleep.

About half an hour later, she was woken up by a loud voice.

"Well, look at that! I have a new roommate!"

The blonde groaned. As nice and kind as Nicky was, she was also very boastful and loud and at times it grated on the blonde's nerves. "Could you please quite it down, Nichols?"

"Wow, and she is such a ray of sunshine, too. I just get so fucking lucky all the time."

Sighing, Piper sat up, her back leaning against the wall separating her bunk from the one on the other side. "Nicky, tomorrow is visitation day, right?"

"Yeah. You expecting someone?"

"I don't know. I couldn't call yet, but maybe my brother or my best friend might visit me. They were on my visitation list from the beginning."

Nicky nodded at that. She moved over to her own bed and sat down, looking at the blonde. "What about your parents?"

Shrugging, Piper offered a sad smile. "I wasn't ever really close to my mom. Y'know, she's this really uptight, WASP; your all-American, blonde upper middle-class lady. Having a junky daughter who now has to spend time in prison on top of being a junky might have just ruined our relationship completely. Didn't visit me in the hospital after I OD'd, didn't see me off to prison…the chance of her visiting me in prison are really slim at best."

"Sounds familiar." Nicky chuckled. "Your dad?"

"Probably just can't see me like this…I may call him when I'm able to…I don't know."

"Be glad that you have someone to visit you at least…other's ain't that lucky."

Piper nodded, knowing full well how right the redhead was. "I am."

"So…" Nicky smirked at her. "There's something I've been dying to ask you."

The blonde raised an eyebrow in question.

"What's the story with you and Vause?"

She had to chuckle at that. It was obvious that Nicky would ask about her and Alex. "She didn't tell you?" Answer a question with another question.

A full grin appeared on Nicky's face as she leaned forward. "She told me that you are a squirter."

Piper's eyes got wide at that, her face beet red. "What?! That's not true! It only happened once and it took us both by surprise!" She hissed at the redhead.

Now Nicky's eyes widened in surprise; a look of absolute glee on her face at the prospect of this priceless piece of news. "Holy shit, I was just kidding."

"Wha-? Oh my god, I hate you so much right now…" Piper was absolutely mortified.

"This is so fucking priceless!" Nicky laughed openly at Piper, who just groaned, wanting to be swallowed by a bottomless hole.

* * *

><p>Piper's heart skipped a beat when she was called for visitation. She wondered who it was visiting her, but then again, she only really had two options to guess from.<p>

She was asked to squat and cough- something she really was not comfortable with- and then was led to the visitation room. There she saw Polly. She immediately walked over to her and hugged her best friend.

"Hey, Pol. God, I've missed you so much already…"

The redhead hugged her back, rubbing the blonde's back up and down. "Missed you, too."

They sat down on their respective seats and just smiled at each other for a few moments, when Polly spoke up. "You actually look better than I thought you would."

"Yeah…I'm through my withdrawal…had a lot of help in here. Was at every NA meeting since I've been in here."

"That's great, Pipes!" She looked genuinely happy for her best friend. "I'm proud of you. I really am."

Piper looked down, not sure what to say. Her eyes were stinging and she took a deep breath to calm herself. "So, um…" She cleared her throat. "How're things with Pete?"

"It's amazing!" Polly gushed, her eyes shining. "I mean, technically, nothing changed in our relationship, just the status…and still, it feels as if we just met." She grinned brightly at the blonde.

Piper felt a sting in her heart. Of course she was happy for her best friend. She wished all the happiness of the world for Polly, but it also reminded her at what could have been, of what she and Alex could have been. They could have been were Polly and Pete were right now.

But Polly was here, visiting her when she could just go on with her life and Piper was grateful for that, so she pushed all her bad thoughts aside for the moment to give her best friend a genuine smile. "I am so happy for you, Pol. I just wish I could be there for the wedding…"

"I told you before that we can wait until you are out."

"No. Don't wait on my behalf. Have your wedding when you planned it to. I'll be there for your silver wedding and all." She smirked at her best friend.

"Let's not think that far yet." Polly laughed. "So, how are things going for you?"

Piper sighed. "Like I said, I haven't used in a while now…think you can say I'm clean. I've been to every NA meeting they have in here…sometimes I still wish I could use though." Polly frowned but nodded at her, urging her to go on. "My body doesn't need it anymore…but I've grown so dependent on it mentally…when I have bad days…I wish I could have a hit."

"But you know you can't."

"I know." She leaned forward, lowering her voice. "I almost used a few days ago."

"What?!"

"When I got my meds at night…a guard escorted me to the nurse. He taunted me…mocked me…then he sneaked a full syringe over to me." Her voice wavered when she thought back, a hand absentmindedly ghosting over the sleeve that covered her track lines. "I was so close to using, Polly."

"They are supposed to help you from this shit! You have to report this!"

Piper scoffed. "You seriously think they will listen to a junky over one of their own?"

Polly was still seething though but tried to calm herself down. "What made you stop?"

Silence followed this question, Piper not being sure if she should tell the truth. She then looked at Polly and shrugged. "Alex."

"Wait- what?! Alex? As in supercunt Alex? _The_ Alex?"

"Yeah."

"She's in there. With you."

"Yeah."

"Jesus _fucking _Christ. I feel like this is some fucked up episode from the L Word."

The blonde had to chuckle at that.

"And she helped you through this? She stopped you from using again?"

"Yeah. She wanted to bring me food because I told them I felt sick and didn't want lunch…she basically skipped hers to bring me food to help me with my stomach and I was about to use…I almost could feel it…and she called my name and I dropped that syringe and she took it before I could hide it."

Polly didn't answer for a while, before she grimaced and cursed under her breath. "I need to thank her and I hate it already."

"She won't let you hear the end of it. I hope you know that."

"She might have saved your life, Pipes. That's worth more than my pride. I don't have to like it though."

Piper let out a sigh. "Have my parents said anything?"

Frowning, the redhead shook her head. "Cal said he'd visit you someday around the next two weeks though."

The blonde smiled at that. "How's he doing?"

"Getting a lot more attention from your parents since you are here. He's not happy about it."

Grimacing, Piper chuckled weekly. "I guess I'll have to apologize to him."

"So, have you and supercunt-" She sighed and rolled her eyes at Piper's glare, "_Alex _made up yet?"

"No. We haven't exactly talked about any of those things. She said she wanted to make sure that I'm going to be okay first."

"And she was right. But don't you think it's about time now? Considering what you told me in the hospital? I think it's time that you bring yourself some sense of closure…"

"Maybe you are right."

"I _know_ I am right."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: So, here's a new chapter. I have a feeling it's going to be a little slower for the next few chapters until shit happens again. Maybe I might change my mind though. I don't know. I never plan beforehand. <strong>

**And thanks for the reviews, favs and follows. U guys rock!**


	5. Can't Stop The Loving

She felt better after Polly's visit. She didn't feel good- feeling good was something she hadn't in years- but better than in the past. Polly said that she was proud of Piper for staying clean since her overdosing and for attending the NA meetings. It wasn't that she had much choice with the staying-clean-thing but it was still nice to hear someone say that they were proud of her. She hadn't heard that in ages and it made her feel better; it made her _want_ to be better, made her feel that having people be proud of her was something to thrive for.

It didn't even bother her that much that her parents hadn't asked about her. Since leaving Alex she started drifting away from her family. Their lifestyle and expectations were so different from everything she experienced with the brunette and it just felt wrong. Everything about her family and about her family's environment felt wrong and mundane and nothing about it was Alex. At first she wanted to embrace it, she wanted to be what was expected of her but it didn't work. But running away from who she was, _whom she wanted_ was the wrong decision; it didn't work.

She learned it the hard way that running away and hiding from the obvious would never work. All it did for her was to poison her mind and drag her into the darkest depth of her consciousness.

The only way she knew of to escape from there was to poison her body. She still liked it, though. She knew that she would like heroin, no matter what it did to her body. In the end her body was just a shell for her mind and what bothered her was her mind. When using heroin she never thought about her body, because that wasn't important; that wasn't what she wanted to escape from. What she needed to cloud, what she needed to veil herself from was the poisonous thoughts the darkness in her mind created and aimed at her and heroin provided all of that. Heroin offered her a ladder to climb up from the darkness, to veil herself in unexplainable happy thoughts, in a rush that made her mind feel alive. Her body would always end up with heavy limbs and eyelids, with tingling and itching arms but her body wasn't important. Her mind was being tricked by the drug, was tricked into doing wonderful unexplainable things and she loved it. She loved the escape; she loved the sudden brightness in her never-ending darkness, even if never lasted longer than for about two hours.

It was always worth it.

The blonde didn't think that, provided she didn't use again, she would stop longing for a hit on bad days. It was now the only way she could think of to deal with bad days, bad thoughts, bad _anythings._ She got used to it; she got used to the rush, the high, the euphoria to cloud her mind when it drifted off to a direction she didn't want to deal with.

That was why she wanted to take a hit right now; debating if she should go and look for Alex, if she should talk to her right now, if the timing was right or if there even was a right timing.

She was sitting on her bed, leaning against the wall at her side and staring at the one on Nicky's side. She wanted to talk to Alex, she wanted to apologize. But she was afraid; afraid of Alex's reaction, afraid of the consequences, afraid that Alex would cut her out of her life forever. Piper knew that she had no right to expect any kindness from Alex. The brunette helped her threw her withdrawal, helped her to get clean. It was more than she deserved.

She let out a frustrated sigh. All this thinking and overthinking was getting her nowhere. So, she decided to go visit the library and lose herself in a book.

It was always something she loved about Alex. They both read so many books together; if it was side by side both reading their separate pieces of literature or if it was Alex's deep voice that soothed her with the words she was reading didn't matter. Those moments were intimate on a whole different level to their wild and crazy sex life. In those moments she felt such a deep connection to the brunette, a connection she never found again. It was those moments that made her wonder if she really could have found her soulmate, if she found the person for her very own 'forever'.

She entered the library and started to browse until she found an old poem collection. Alex always had a passion for poetry while Piper enjoyed classic literature. She left with the book and sat down on her bed, leaning against the wall and drawing her knees up.

It had been a while since she indulged into her passion for reading. It was once her dream to have a job that would surround her with books, a job that would be about her passion. Even while travelling with Alex, she still believed that she would be able to end up with a job she would actually love; she even believed at the time that she was closer to her dream than ever while she was with Alex. She felt that every day was an adventure that brought her closer and closer to her dream and still, to this day, she believed that it was true. And with Alex, she threw that away too. She threw it away for a soap company, for a boring guy, to deform herself so she would fit her family's standards.

Now she didn't know what she would even do after prison. She didn't even know where she would live; where her life would lead her to, after her release.

She closed the book with a sigh, not able to concentrate on the words. It took only a short three years for her life to completely derail, crash and burn. She felt like no matter which direction she took, she would end up with her nose against a wall.

"Hey."

She looked up and saw the brunette at the entrance of her cube, looking at her. "Hey." She patted the side of her bed, indicating her ex-girlfriend to sit down next to her, an invitation she accepted.

The brunette sat down next to Piper, glancing at her. "It's Sunday and everybody is either playing scrabble or watching tv."

It was obvious what Alex was getting at. "Didn't want to." The blonde answered with a shrug.

They were silent for a few moments, not sure what to say or do. Piper felt like she was fighting the inner battle of her life. This was as good a moment as she could get to get on with her apology, to get the guilt off her chest but she was afraid. She was afraid of where this could lead, what Alex could say or not say.

"I literally can hear you thinking, kid."

The blonde sighed. It was now or never. Both options had their appeals but only one was the right one and she knew that. "Alex…there's something I meant to say…that's long overdue."

The brunette turned, so that she could look right at Piper, a brow raised in question.

Piper looked at her hands in her lap, fingers fidgeting. "You know…another reason I started doing heroin, aside from what I told you, was because I felt so guilty. I started to feel so unbelievably guilty and horrible and hated myself." She turned to look at Alex. "I really did hate myself. I still do."

Alex looked at Piper, confusion on her face. "Why?"

"Do you honestly need to ask me why, Alex?" Looking back down in her lap, the blonde continued. "The one time you needed me…really needed me, I failed you. I was selfish and horrible…I failed you as a girlfriend, as a friend and as a decent human being."

Understanding dawned on Alex's face, as she started to comprehend what Piper wanted to say. "You started doing drugs because you felt guilty for leaving me when my mom died?"

"It's not as easy as that…" Piper took a deep breath as she tried to gather her thoughts. "When I left you…I spend weeks on Polly's couch just crying. After that I started to mingle in parties and clubs, trying to get my mind off you. I then met Larry."

"Larry? Jesus, Pipes, that name screams boring." Alex scoffed. "Did you meet an Earl too?"

Despite her emotions wrecking havoc in her mind she snorted at that and slapped Alex's arm playfully. "I'll have you know that he was a really sweet guy. He was everything that you weren't and probably never will be."

"What? I'm not sweet?" She felt a little insulted; after all she did many sweet things for Piper.

Piper gave the brunette a strange look. "No. You were never sweet. You are mystery where Larry is predictability. You are danger where Larry is safety. You are wild where Larry is sweet. And I knew you were bad news from the moment I saw you and still, I couldn't stay away from you. I couldn't help myself but fall so deeply in love with you." She paused for a moment to get back on track. "What I wanted to say is that I was with Larry for the very reason that he was so completely different from you. And I couldn't stand it. I compared every single thing, no matter how small, to you. You were constantly in my thoughts, Alex."

"Did you leave him?"

"Yes. I left him because…it wasn't fair to him." She felt bad for breaking Larry's heart because it was obvious how much he was in love with her. With that little he had to offer he still managed to treat her like a princess, but it wasn't enough for her. It might have been if he had been Alex. "I started to feel really lonely and it was then when I realized how much I actually missed you. How big of a mistake I had made. How horrible it was what I did to you."

Alex was silent. What Piper was confessing was huge. She couldn't blame the blonde for leaving in the first place but she hated her for not even being a decent human being and supporting her through the death of her mother. For the past years she spent wondering if the girl she fell so deeply and irrevocably in love with was actually as heartless as she seemed back then. She actually felt relieved that it seemed like that that wasn't the case.

"With every fling I had I felt lonelier and worse and I got so caught up in that darkness in my head…at one point I saw a chance to get heroin and I took it." She looked at Alex, a small, sad smile on her face. "You will hate me for saying this but I don't regret it. I don't regret for using heroin to escape from myself for a few brief moments. It was the only relief I had for the past one and a half year. I don't regret it."

Alex did feel angry at Piper for saying this. She too did use heroin after her mom died and Piper left. She too was at a bad place and turned to heroin and she did regret it. She didn't like it. How bad must Piper actually have felt for _liking_ heroin? How bad must she have felt to _want it_ so much; to not regret poisoning her body and become addicted to one of the most destructive and dangerous drugs on the market?

Piper looked back down at her hands in her lap. "The point of me telling you all of this is…that I do feel horrible for doing what I did to you." She turned to look the brunette in the eyes. "I am sorry, Alex. I know that I will carry that guilt for the rest of my life. I should have been there for you and I wasn't and I will forever be sorry for that."

Alex wanted to speak up, not even really knowing what she would say, but Piper interrupted her with a raised hand.

"I do not expect anything out of this, Alex. I do not expect you to forgive me just like that and I do not expect you to take me back or something. You didn't even have to help me through my withdrawal. You don't owe me anything and I do not have any right to expect any of that from you. But you did deserve an apology."

Alex shook her head at the blonde in exasperation. "I accept your apology, Pipes."

Piper's eyes widened slightly in surprise.

Rolling her eyes, Alex sighed at the blonde. "Don't give me that look, Pipes. It happened and we can't change it. I was pissed at you. I hated you for doing it but I am over it. It's done and so much time already passed." She looked over at the blonde and still marveled at how much she changed, at how obvious her being a just recent ex-drug-addict was; the pale skin, her always tired looking eyes with the dark rings under them- it would take a long time until the current Piper would resemble the Piper Alex fell in love with.

And despite all of that, Alex still loved her so very much. She knew that she could never ever stop loving the blonde, despite all of her fuck-ups and mistakes. She could never stop.

"But, you know that I can't just give you my heart like that again. I just can't."

Piper looked away. She expected that and she knew that expecting anything else would have been naïve at best but still, she struggled to keep the tears at bay, she struggled to keep the pain at bay. "I understand." Her voice was low and sounded foreign to her own ears.

"I didn't say that…we won't ever happen again, you know. But after what happened in Paris…I don't give my heart away as easily as that again." She looked at the blonde and she knew that she was heartbroken. Alex struggled with herself, wanting to hold the blonde in her arms, wanting to tell her that all would be okay again but she knew that she couldn't. But she could offer her something else. "You know…if it was anybody else, I wouldn't even give them this second chance. But you are still special to me, Pipes. You are still…different…from anybody else."

Piper actually had a tiny smile playing around her lips at that as she felt a small blush creep up her cheeks. She looked at Alex with adoration in her eyes. She never would and never could understand that hold the brunette had on her. She never could understand the things the brunette did to her with simple words. Alex smiled at her and beckoned the blonde over. "Come here."

Piper, shyly, scooted over and leaned into Alex's side, her head resting on the brunette's head. As Alex drew her closer with an arm over the blonde's shoulder, Piper closed her eyes, feeling content and at peace for the first time in years.

"But," Alex began, "I expect one thing from you, Pipes."

The blonde already knew what it would be but she still asked. "What is that?"

"Do your best to stay away from drugs. I don't ask anything else and I won't throw you away and abandon you if you ever get tempted or- god forbid- even use once again, but I want you to promise me that you will do your best to never ever use again."

For Alex she would do anything. "I promise."

Alex smiled down at Piper, the blonde looking more at peace then ever since she was in prison. "We'll be okay kid. I just know it."

* * *

><p>The next few days went by in a blur for the blonde. Since her talk with Alex she felt more at ease, lighter, than she felt in a long time. She also started working at the electric shop and despite her lack of talent for it she had fun because she had something to occupy herself with.<p>

Of course she was heartbroken that the brunette told her that they wouldn't be together again. She didn't expect anything else but there was a tiny bit of hope inside of her that the miracle would occur and it was stomped down with vengeance. It hurt like a bitch.

She also had visitation today and Cal would come and see her for the first time. Piper was beyond excited about that and looked forward to it for days.

When the time came, she squatted and coughed and quickly pulled her panties and pants up, her face beet red, and entered the room, looking for her brother. When she saw him she nearly squealed as she quickly walked up to him, hugging him.

"I missed you so much!"

"Missed you too, sis."

They sat down and Cal began the talking. "You look great for a junkie."

Piper grinned from ear to ear. Her brother had this way of being awfully blunt without sounding offensive. She missed it. "I have been clean for a while now and I had people helping me through it."

Nodding, Cal reached over and squeezed the blonde's hand and quickly released it again, trying not to look too soft and mushy. "I am proud of you. But I am also pissed at you because now I suddenly am the hope of mom for giving her grandchildren."

Grimacing, Piper apologized. "Yeah, Polly told me about that. Sorry, I guess."

"You better fucking be…" He mumbled. With a sigh he changed the topic. "Did you find a prison wife yet?"

She reached over and slapped his hand, muttering under her breath before smiling again. She really missed her brother.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: So, this chapter was a pain to write. I hope it turned out well. Not much drama going on but I can SO assure you that it's gonna come soon. I already have an outline of what's going to happen soon and it's gonna be so painful for you guys, I can't wait to type it. I am so giddy already.<strong>

**Also, thanks for the reviews (just 5 with the last chapter, gotta admit I am a tiny bit disappointed but I did get spoiled with the earlier chapters, so…), the favs and follows. Thank you guys a lot!**


	6. Alex!

_The sun shone through the open window, a lazy, cool breeze caressing her skin as her eyes blinked open. She turned from her side onto her back, stretching her limbs and arching her back, her naked breasts visible as blanked slid down from her body._

"_You doing things like that should be a crime."_

_The husky voice made Piper smirk sleepily. "Are you going to arrest me now?" Her voice was still thick with sleep._

_Alex looked up from the book she was reading on the couch in their ridiculously expensive hotel apartment in Cambodia. She raised an eyebrow at Piper before sliding her glasses up on her head. Closing her book she got up, dressed only in an oversized short that reached her mid-thighs. Her hips swayed seductively, full of promises, making the blonde swallow thickly as her thighs were squeezing against each other and her center was already aching with need. _

"_I am not going to arrest you, Pipes. But I may have to punish you."_

"_You _may _have to?"_

_The mattress dipped slightly onto one side as Alex crawled on her hands and knees towards her girlfriend, stopping only when she hovered over the blonde. They stared into the other's eyes before Piper reached up, locking her fingers behind Alex's neck, pulling her down and pressing her lips against the brunette's, wasting no time as she forced her tongue into the taller woman's mouth. _

_The kiss was wild, hard and passionate, igniting fire in both women. One leg between the blonde's, Alex pressed her thigh into Piper's core, making herself moan as she felt the heat and wetness of Piper's naked sex on her own naked leg._

_Piper groaned into Alex's mouth, grinding herself against the brunette's leg, but it wasn't enough, she needed more. "Alex…" _

_The brunette smirked, making Piper lightly bite onto her lower lip. She gasped at the light pain, and again as Piper's fingernails bit into the skin of her back as she moved Alex's shirt up, exposing her. _

"_Stop being so infuriating…" Piper let a moan escape her as Alex moved downwards, sucking in one of her nipples. "…and get me off…"_

_Alex chuckled as she kissed her way downwards, the smell and heat of Piper's arousal making her mouth water. But she controlled herself, wanting to tease the blonde a little, so she kissed around the blonde's wet mound, just close enough to make the blonde feel _something_. She scratched her fingernails along the inside of Piper's slim and toned thighs, tasting hints of the blonde's wetness as she kissed along the fading scratch marks she left on the blonde's thighs. _

"_Aleeex…" Piper writhed under her, whining and moaning, spreading her legs even further apart. "Just eat me out for fucks sake…"_

_Alex chuckled, her mouth hovering just over the blonde's sex. The blonde gasped as Alex's breath hit her on her sex and Alex almost got dizzy from the intoxicating smell of Piper's arousal. _

"_But you were a bad girl…" Alex smirked up at the blonde. "Teasing me so early in the morning with your bare boobs."_

_Piper's eyes were hooded with lust as she looked down, right into her girlfriend's piercing green eyes. "Then fuck me hard."_

_Alex nearly growled, her smirk vanishing at Piper's look and words. She dived right in, licking around and between her folds, sucking on her clit, hard, as she thrust two fingers right inside her girlfriend. Piper moaned loudly, gasped and groaned, holding Alex's head in place, her fingers entangled with the thick black hair of her girlfriend. _

_Alex pumped in and out of her relentlessly; Alex was fucking her. Never before had she experienced such a mixture of pain and pleasure. There was no lovemaking, there was no sex. This was just raw fucking, and Alex's mouth working on her bundle of nerves, her long fingers pumping in and out of her, the loud sounds her mouth and fingers made on her sex made her come; _hard_._

_Her back arched from the bed and she let out a loud gasp that turned into a long, drawn out moan as her muscles stiffened, threatening to cramp._

_She fell down on the bed with a thud, her legs and arms heavy; spent and out of breath. "Fuck…"_

_Glancing at her girlfriend, her brows furrowed at the confused look Alex was giving her hand, which turned into a smug smirk, followed by a loud chuckle. _

"_What?"_

"_Look at that." Alex held her hand in front of Piper's face and Piper blushed furiously, mortified. The brunette's arm was wet, like, really wet, _dripping_ even._

"_Did I _pee_ on you?" Her voice was high, the way it got when she was close to being hysterical._

"_Relax, no." Alex laughed. "I think I actually made you squirt!" The brunette sounded almost gleeful about it._

"_Wh-what?" Now, Piper felt almost embarrassed. _

"_I made you squirt! You came all over my arm!"_

"_Oh my god, Alex!" If she was able to move her arms, she would have covered her face in embarrassment. _

"_I made my girlfriend squirt!"_

"_Alex!"_

* * *

><p>"Penny for your thoughts."<p>

Piper jumped from her chair in the library and hit a knee against the table, cursing under her breath as she rubbed the sore spot.

Alex chuckled lowly as she sat on a chair next to Piper's. "Someone's jumpy."

"You didn't need to sneak up on me like that, y'know." The blonde grumbled.

"Yeah, sorry I guess." She didn't sound like she was. "What were you thinking about? You've been staring at the same spot for forever."

Piper didn't answer, she just stared down, burning holes into the open page of the book in front of her as her cheeks took on a deep red hue.

A curious laugh escaped Alex; now she _needed_ to know. "You've seriously got to tell me now."

Groaning, Piper let her head drop onto her hands. "I remembered that one time in Cambodia, when…you know."

Leaning back, Alex got a dreamy look on her face; she smiled softly at the thought of Cambodia. "I love that country." She whispered. "What were you remembering? We did a lot of things there."

Sighing in frustration for having to spell it out, Piper whispered harshly. "When you made me squirt, damn it!"

Her soft smile turned into a smug one. "My greatest accomplishment."

"I was sore for the rest of the day."

"My arm hurt."

"I couldn't move for almost an hour."

"You came all over me."

"Alex!"

The brunette laughed at Piper and scooted closer to her, throwing an arm over her and pulling her close. "I miss those days." She said with a sigh.

Piper nestled herself against the brunette, careful not to fall out from her chair. "Me too."

"Maybe, when we are out of here, we can take a trip there."

Looking up from her position, Piper's eyes were wide with surprise. "Really? Even if we are not…?"

"Even if we are not together then."

A small smile adorned piper's face and she felt truly happy right now. If everything worked out the way she hoped it to, then she may just have something to truly look forward to after her time in prison.

Alex smiled at the blonde's expression. "I just want you to be happy, kid. After everything, I still care more about you than about everybody else on this planet. You still are the most important thing in my life…even if you are not in it."

Piper didn't say anything and was about to nestle herself deeper into Alex's body when they heard someone clear their throat behind them. They jumped away from each other and turned around, to see Bennett behind them, raising his eyebrows and shaking his head at them before turning his back at the two women. He was a decent guard.

Alex then turned towards Piper and continued her talking. "And you know…I know that you know that we were never friends and I don't believe that we ever will be. It wouldn't feel right." Piper nodded at her. It would be weird and awkward at best if they ever were to become something akin to friends. "But I think that we could at least manage to be ex-girlfriends who still care a lot about each other for a trip to Cambodia. And who knows? Maybe it'll work out there if it didn't work out between us before then."

"Yeah…" Piper smiled. Alex really, truly seemed to believe that they still had a chance with each other and it made hear heart beat faster. "Cambodia has that kind of magic, hasn't it?"

"Now, that's a little bit sappy."

Piper blushed, slapping Alex's arm playfully. "Shut up, you know it's true."

"Yeah, I guess you are right. Cambodia is magical…in a totally unsappy way."

"Alex!"

* * *

><p>"How do you do it?"<p>

"Hm?" Nicky looked up at her from their scrabble game, her concentration broken.

"How do you keep going, knowing that you want, sometimes even need a hit, but you never give in? I mean yeah, your body doesn't want it anymore but _you_ know how good it feels and your life is fucked up and…y'know." This was why she felt so close to Nicky. The crazy haired woman was becoming more and more something close to a sister to her. They bonded over their fucked up lives, over their addiction and Piper often asked her things like this. The question she just asked though was something she had wondered for quite a while now. How was she going to move on from heroin? How was she going to not give in if shit was to hit the fan again in her life? She knew that at some point that would happen; that it was _bound_ to happen- she was Piper fucking Chapman after all and her life was never easy, her life repeatedly screwed her over and she literally was just counting the days for the next time it would happen. When that time would come, how was she not going to give in to heroin; just to make things a little easier? She was used to it now. When things got hard, take a hit; it will make you feel better.

"Take this, blondie!" Nicky laughed as she smashed her letter into the row.

Piper bend her head, reading it. "_Cunnilingus._" She furrowed her brows, squinted her eyes; her mouth opened and closed a few times without making a sound, before she looked at Nicky with an incredulous look on her face. "_How?!_"

Nicky leaned back on her chair, chewing on her toothpick, smirking all the while. "Vause warned you, didn't she?"

"I thought she was kidding!"

"Hell no, Chapman, no one jokes when it's about me and scrabble." Her smirk turned into a more serious look when she looked at Piper. "To answer your question…it's one big fat battle; every fucking day. Let me be honest with you…I love that shit. I, honest to god, love heroin and I hate her. I love her because she made my days brighter when everything was just one huge clusterfuck and I hate her because she brought me here and nearly killed me. Pretty much the same with you, am I right?"

Piper nodded, hanging onto every word the redhead said.

"I admit that there are days when I know that if someone offered me H…I know I wouldn't say no. It's hard, Chapman. It really is. I don't think that I'll ever be completely over that shit. I don't know if I ever want to be…when my life was at its worst she was the only thing that I ever looked forward to…but now I have Red…and…somebody else." Nicky gave Piper one of her rare unguarded smiles. "Before I got here I had no one…now I have Red and…y'know. People to live for."

The blonde leaned back, pondering Nicky's words. "Just like that…you have people and you stay clean for them?"

"Answer this: if it meant that you could lick Vause's pussy again, every day, several times- would you stay clean forever?"

Piper opened her mouth than closed it again, without saying anything. Her face burned from her blush but she knew that Nicky was right- even if her wording was a little crude for Piper's taste.

"Thought so." She looked at their game, then at Piper. "Your turn, blondie and try to lose with some dignity."

* * *

><p>Piper and Nicky were on their way down to the washing room. Apparently one of the dryers was broken and they were supposed to repair it.<p>

"Do you even know how to repair dryers?"

Nicky shrugged. "I repaired one of them once. Still don't know how, but I did."

Piper smiled at that, shaking her head. She looked forward to it and not because of the repairing part, but because Alex was down in the washing rooms.

They entered the washing room and Piper immediately spotted her ex-girlfriend, folding laundry. She had to smirk at that; it was odd seeing Alex doing something as mundane as folding laundry. It made her almost look like a housewife.

The thought made her snort and giggle and it made Alex turn towards them and look at her with a raised eyebrow. Nicky also gave her a weird look.

"What are you laughing at, blondie?" Nicky was the one to ask.

Piper took a deep breath, interrupted in between with small giggles. "Sorry, it's just…honestly, never in my life have I ever thought that I would think that _the_ Alex Vause looks like a normal housewife. Almost like a soccer mom even."

Alex gave Piper an incredulous look. "Wow, I would feel insulted if there wasn't the sad fact that it's probably even true."

Feeling daring and brave all of a sudden, Piper walked up to Alex and grazed her fingers against the brunette's waist. "If it's any consolation…I think it's kinda hot…" Her voice was a husky whisper and she relished the slight shudder she felt from Alex.

The brunette turned towards her, her eyes betraying her lust. "Is it now?"

Nicky chose that moment to step in between them, interrupting their play. "Okay now, I understand that you'd rather finger each other than anything else, I honestly do, but there's business to be done and I'll be damned if I go and ask Messiah over there which one of the dryers is broken."

Piper turned towards the petite woman Nicky was pointing at and wondered if she had seen her before.

"You may mock me now but we gonna see who's gonna laugh last when you are in hell you evil lesbian!" The woman spat at Nicky.

Piper cringed at the foul teeth she spotted. "Meth." Her brows rose as understanding dawned at her after Alex's whisper.

"But is she for real?" She turned at Alex. "With that hell and lesbian stuff?"

"Pretty much, yeah."

"God."

"Don't use the holy Lord's name in vain!" The petite woman shouted at her, making Piper jump.

"Excuse me?"

"You talk with them abominations like they are normal when they ain't and you take the Lord's name in your mouth when you ain't supposed to! You will go to hell with 'em!" The woman was practically preaching and Piper's eyes were wide in wonder. It was quite the spectacle.

Alex chose that moment to step in, having had enough of the small woman. "Shut the fuck up, Pennsatucky and leave Piper alone before I bash your teeth in- or even worse…" She leaned in further towards the small woman, making her shrink away. "I may just come into your bunk one night and lick you between your legs…so softly that you'll barely feel it but enough for you to be on the brink of orgasm in just a minute and you'll beg me to make you come and maybe…just maybe…I'll do it and then you'll be ruined for men forever."

Piper knew Alex was bluffing but it didn't do anything for her to stop feeling a pit in her stomach, for that ugly monster called jealousy to rear its head.

Pennsatucky wasn't thrilled either, as she looked at Alex with disgust and backed away before turning around and leaving.

Nicky found that whole scene amusing and just laughed out loud before wiping away a fake tear. "I gotta tell during dinner man, you gotta let me tell that."

"Knock yourself out." Alex shrugged before pointing at a machine at the far end. "That's the one, by the way."

Nicky nodded and got to work while Piper waited with the manuals in her arms for Nicky to find use for her. Alex returned to her laundry, glancing all the while at Piper, who stared straight ahead, neither looking at Alex nor at Nicky.

It continued like that until Alex spoke up. "You are awfully quite."

Piper shrugged. "There's nothing to talk about."

"Are you jealous?"

Piper's jaw dropped agape as the books dropped from her arms, making her curse under her breath as she picked them up. "Shut up, I'm not jealous."

Alex smirked. "You so are jealous. You were always like that."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Piper asked, annoyed at her voice for being an octave higher than usual. "Shut up!" She barked at Nicky who sniggered silently to herself while trying to repair the machine, but raised her hands in mock surrender at Piper.

"You were always like that when I flirted with mules even though you knew that nothing would ever happen."

Piper glared at Alex half-heartedly. "That's not true." She couldn't even convince herself.

Alex's eyes gleamed with mischief, her smirk as wide as ever. "Oh, but it is. We always had hot make-up-sex after I was done." Piper's face turned beet red as she knew what Alex was getting at and Nicky turned towards them, ready to soak up whatever it was that Alex was about to reveal. "I made you come seven times in a row that one time. Took me a special kind of convincing, that one."

Nicky burst out laughing. "Holy shit man, the things I learn about you, Chapman! First you are a squirter and now you made Vause get you off seven times!"

Piper groaned in embarrassment and glared again at her ex-girlfriend. She liked to boast about her sexual prowess.

"But, if I am honest…you were best in bed when you were jealous so I kind of made you sometimes jealous on purpose.

Piper's eyes got wide and her ears burned. She punched the brunette weakly on her arm, laughing despite herself.

"Alex!"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Something more relaxed in this chapter. Alex and Piper are getting close again and Piper is also forming a bond with Nicky. But we all know that Piper has a special bond with trouble, getting into it without even trying so yeah.<strong>

**Thanks for the reviews of the last chapter. 17! You guys are amazing. And also thanks for everyone who fave'd and followed this story. And all my other ones for that matter. ILY guys.**


	7. Into The Abyss

"Um, Pipes?"

The blonde smiled at the nickname, reserved only for those closest to her heart. "Hm?" She closed the book, turning around on her bed to look at the brunette.

"Why did Holly send me a letter?"

Piper furrowed her brows in confusion before her mouth made an 'o' shape as understanding dawned on her. She then smirked at the thought of Polly struggling to find nice things to say to Alex. "Probably to thank you."

"What for?" Alex looked genuinely confused, staring at the letter, pondering if she should open it or not.

Shrugging her shoulders, Piper returned to her book, a small smile playing around her lips. "You won't know until you've opened it, will you?"

Her bed shifted a little when Alex sat down and she heard the rustling of paper.

"Supercunt." Alex cocked an eyebrow before glancing at Piper. "Well, the start is promising." She cleared her throat and began to read. "Supercunt. You can't believe how much I am struggling, writing this. I know though that you and I both care a lot about Piper and that's why I am shoving my pride aside and say this: Thank you. Thank you for being there for Piper during her getting clean, thank you for stopping her from using again (from what she told me it was pure luck that you showed up there but you did and you stopped her). You probably saved her life and that means more to me than you can ever imagine. And even though you are a supercunt it's relieving to know that you are there for her and that you are looking out for her in prison. So, thanks for that too.

PS: don't expect anything nice from me for the next decade or so."

Piper's eyes were teary and again she marveled at her luck for having a friend like Polly. She glanced at Alex as the brunette made a surprise and confused sound. "What?"

"That was actually really…nice from Holly."

The blonde shook her head with a smile. She wondered if she would see the day when those two would ever use each other's real names.

"She's right though. I'm more than lucky to have you here."

Alex looked at Piper, a thoughtful expression on her face. "You really do want to be with me again."

"There is nothing I want more than that, Alex. I…" She bit her lower lip, wondering if she should do it, if she could be so bold but then she decided to throw caution to the wind and leaned in, her heart beating a thousand miles a minute. Her hand touched the brunette's cheek, cupping it, and with every inch that brought her closer to her destination her breathing became more irregular until Alex turned away, breaking the spell.

"Pipes…I…I just can't yet. I'm sorry."

Piper knew she had no right to be upset- she knew Alex had every right to be cautions around her after what Piper did to her- but she couldn't help it. Being rejected by the brunette hurt; a lot.

"I'm really sorry Pipes."

"No." Piper had a sad smile on her face. "If I were in your place I'd be more careful around me too. I understand you."

Alex pulled Piper into a hug, which the blonde gladly accepted. "Give me time, okay? I want this too, I really do. I just…I'm scared."

Piper nodded. She could understand that. She _did_ understand that. Alex was scared that Piper would leave her again and Alex admitting it made it all the more real. It made those old feelings of self hatred and guilt resurface but she tried to bury them back into the deep recesses of her mind. She was in a good place right now and she had to win Alex's trust back. Nothing was more important than that. Nothing was more important than Alex.

Alex was everything.

* * *

><p>Piper was on edge. She couldn't shake it off; the tingling in her arms, the racing of her heart. There was this young girl- Tricia- and she saw her get out of a storeroom, wiping her mouth, hiding a small bag in the process. Piper looked into the room and saw the guard, Pornstache, staring right into her eyes as he pulled his zipper back up. He <em>winked<em> at her.

A small part of her considered it; honestly considered to go up to him, drop to her knees and suck him off, just to get a hit again.

But she couldn't. Her life was in the process of sorting itself out. She had Alex back, even though her first serious advances were rejected. There was this one word though, that one word that kept her hopes up.

"_Pipes…I…I just can't yet."_

Alex said that she wasn't ready to start something new with her _yet_. She had a chance. She was rejected but she still had a chance. Alex was too scared to trust her again so soon after being reunited and Piper could understand.

Aside from the irresistible brunette, Piper also found a friend in Nicky. Of course she had had Polly before but Piper didn't fit in that life anymore; if she ever did fit at all. Polly supported her but would never really be able to understand her struggles. Nicky did though. Nicky lived through all of it herself. Having Nicky in her was invaluable to the blonde.

So, she couldn't ever give in to these desires. Aside from humiliating herself to a preying guard for heroin, she couldn't risk losing what she found in Nicky and what she possibly could have again with Alex. The brunette was what kept her from drowning. Piper knew that if she hadn't found Alex in here, she would be high more often than not these days. She probably would even be dead.

She just couldn't risk it.

But Nicky was right about it being hard. These last few days, since seeing Pornstache and Tricia, were a constant battle and, on top of that, prison offered little to no distractions aside from the work during the day.

She couldn't even concentrate on the books she was reading anymore. The track outside was closed, for whatever reason, so she couldn't even run the stress out of her system.

Then, there was also the fact that she had yet to call her father. She knew that talking with her mother was out of question, but she still had hopes with her father. She was always his little girl, always his little princess, even after she caught him cheating on her mother. At first she was shocked and didn't know what to do; she was confused. These days so, she could even understand why he did it. She didn't like it, but, considering the kind of woman her mother was, she could understand his actions.

She still had hopes that she could reconcile with him. Piper needed him. She needed to know that he was out there, waiting for her, that he was ready to forgive her stupid decisions for as long as she was okay.

But she was scared. She hovered around the phones, debating with herself to just get on with it and call and then she could have the certainty of knowing what to expect when she would be out.

After a week of this, Alex had had enough. Piper was standing around the phones, out of the way of the others, chewing on her fingernails. The brunette was about to pass by when she spotted her and, rolling her eyes, walked up to Piper. "Hey."

Piper glanced to her left where Alex was standing and mumbled back. "Hey."

Reaching out, Alex pulled Piper's arm down, stopping her from chewing on her nails. "You never did that before. It's not a good habit."

The blonde was getting irritated quickly but swallowed it down. "I want to call my dad but I'm scared." Piper didn't know how to act around the brunette since she tried to kiss her. Could they be the way they were before Piper made a move on her? Did Alex need more space? She didn't know. But she couldn't ignore her either. She had Alex back in her life and it was more than she had in the past three years. So she tried her best to find a halfway thing. She couldn't let her go. Even if Alex rejected her at first, she couldn't let her go. "What if he doesn't want to talk to me? What if-"

"Stop right there, Pipes." Alex threw an arm over the blonde and all the nervous energy around the blonde seemed to vanish into nothingness. "What-ifs will not help you in any way. Call him. If he doesn't want to then he is an asshole but from what you told me, I can say that he is a very decent man and that you were a real daddy's girl. He loves you. If worse comes to worst, you still have me and Nichols." Alex looked up and saw that a phone was free. "Go." She pushed the blonde towards the phone and Piper stumbled towards it, looking over her shoulder at Alex, who nodded at her encouragingly and, taking a deep breath, she dialed the number.

It rang a few times, then there was nothing. A few seconds later she smiled.

"Piper?"

"Hey, dad."

There was silence for a few moments, when her father spoke again. "How are you?"

"I'm…I'm fine. Dad, look…I'm sorry. I really am sorry and I'm doing my best to stay clean and-"

"Piper, stop."

The blonde opened her mouth and closed it again, not sure what to say or what to expect.

"I…you trying your best to stay clean…it's just…" She heard him sigh. "I can't deal with this, sweetie."

Her lower lip started to tremble. "Dad?"

"I am disappointed and…it is too much. I can deal with a lot of things, Piper but drugs? You are a heroin-addict, Piper and…I don't know how to deal with it."

She felt her eyes starting to burn.

"I will write you when I think I am ready but please don't call until then."

"Daddy…"

Piper looked over her shoulder and saw that Alex was not there; probably wanting to give her privacy. She didn't know if she was thankful or disappointed about it right now.

"I'm sorry, sweetie."

He hung up and Piper stood there, still holding the earphone in place, not a sound to be heard. She shouldn't have called. It would have been better to be ignorant about her father's thoughts and opinion about her predicament than actually hearing the disappointment out of his voice and words.

She hung the earphone back on its place and started to walk. She didn't know where she would go and what she should do. She hated Sundays. During the week, the inmates at least had their work to do, but on weekends- especially Sundays- there was nothing to do and she hated it.

Her walk took her to the bathroom and she walked towards the only stall that had a door only to find it locked. Sighing in frustration she walked out and towards her bunk, glad that it was empty. Dealing with Nicky's loud and brash personality was out of question for her right now, so she just curled up in her bed, slipping her hand under her pillow when it touched a familiar surface. Suddenly all tiredness was gone from her being as she looked around, making sure she had as much privacy as she could expect in a prison and raised her pillow, only to find a syringe filled with the yellowish brown liquid that controlled her so much.

She couldn't tell if her heart was beating so fast that she couldn't recognize it anymore or if it stopped but it did _something_. Her breathing was labored and she didn't know what to do.

* * *

><p>The syringe was safely hidden in her locker, between her undies. At least she hoped so. She was constantly distracted during work and she didn't know what to do. She told Alex about her talk with her father and broke out crying again and Alex made her feel better but she was still not sure what it was. Whatever they had going right now felt strange and awkward and it probably was because she tried to kiss the brunette. It probably was her fault.<p>

Again.

She didn't want to ask Alex about it out of fear of making it worse. Preserving what they had right now was her top priority but it was tiring and confusing and it put a strain on her consciousness.

Since being clean, her current situation was the worst she had experienced. The fact that her escape was just a foot away from her bed was so firmly burned into her mind, it was all she could think about.

This probably was a test and she was losing it.

"Chapman, Mr. Healy wants to see you."

Piper looked up at the guard and nodded, but she was confused. "Why?" She asked as she got up, following him.

"The fuck am I supposed to know."

She jumped at his rough tone and looked down. "Sorry."

They arrived and the guard knocked on the door before entering. "Chapman's here, Mr. Healy."

The counselor thanked him and motioned for Piper to sit down, which she did.

"You wanted to see me, Mr. Healy?"

He said nothing, just went through his papers. It continued like that for a few minutes and the blonde got more nervous with any moment. "Mr.-"

"You talk when being asked questions."

She closed her mouth and looked down at her lap, her fingers intertwined, clutching hard, fidgeting. She felt antsy, scared, nervous and she just wanted to go out. How her life went from being wonderful to this was absolutely beyond her.

It felt like hours passed until Mr. Healy put his glasses down and looked at her. "I remember telling you that there was to be no lesbian activity."

"Mr. Healy, I haven't-"

"Don't lie to me!" His voice was loud and made Piper jump. "I have heard that you and inmate Vause are being really familiar with each other."

The blonde didn't know what to answer. If she said that they were each other's exes then he would know that there was real potential for 'lesbian activity' and she didn't know what he would do then. If she lied he would probably find out somehow since he found out about them being familiar with each other. "I-"

"If I find any evidence of you being more then friends I will put you in SHU so you can think about what you did. I read your file and I don't know how you came to drugs but you graduated college and have more potential than any of the other inmates. You seem to come from a good family. You are better than this. But you will not disappoint me in here or I will put you in SHU. Now get out."

Piper nearly tripped when she left and she felt her heart beating rapidly. Her mind was blank and her breathing labored, she was on edge. She didn't think and she didn't feel.

Arriving at her bunk, she looked for prying eyes and when sure that there were none, she opened her locker and felt for the syringe. She put it in the pocket of her scrubs and felt for the hair tie she stole from her cellmates when she first got here. Satisfied, she moved on towards the bathroom and nearly celebrated when she found the stall with the door empty.

She went inside, closing the door behind her, and closed the lid. She sat down on it with her feet up, sitting cross-legged and rolled her sleeve up before pulling the small tie up her forearm as far as possible, looking for a suitable vein. When she found one she took the syringe and removed the cap with her teeth.

Her breathing got labored as the needle inched closer and penetrated her skin and vein. She wasted no time and emptied the entire syringe into her bloodstream.

With heroin in her system she didn't have to deal with her father. She didn't have to deal with Alex and whatever they were, could or could not become. She didn't have to deal with Healy and his threats.

She smiled as she felt the rush, the tingling in her limbs, the euphoria; but it vanished quickly. It got replaced by her panicking as breathing became more and more difficult. Her stomach started to cramp and it felt as if her intestines were being twisted and turned, her limbs stiffened and she saw her fingernails taking on a bluish color. She heard a door open, in the far distance it seemed and she heard someone call but couldn't make out what they were saying or if they were saying anything at all- she couldn't be sure. She wanted to knock, hit against the walls but didn't know where they were. She tried to look around but couldn't move. Everything felt so far away and close at the same time

And then, everything went black.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Didn't expect that one, did you guys? You are so very welcome.<strong>

**Thanks for the reviews, favs and follows, as always! ILY guys!**


	8. Fucking Idiot

_Piper was lying on a couch on her back, her head resting on its arm. Her legs were drawn up, a book resting on her thighs as she was reading. Her feet were tangled with another pair and she couldn't concentrate on the words, rereading several sentences already as a toe was stroking her ankle._

"_You are distracting me." Her voice was close to a whine and she wanted to wipe that infuriating smirk she couldn't see, but knew that it was there, off of her girlfriend's face._

"_I'm not doing anything." The deep, yet incredibly feminine voice of Alex, shot sparks down her spine. _

_They weren't together for a long time yet and this relationship with another woman was something entirely new to her; even though she already admitted and accepted that she felt an attraction to women as well as men. But never before had she felt this way with anybody. Of course it scared her, knowing what kind of 'career' the brunette had, but it was also exciting. It was dangerous, forbidden- different from anything she was ever taught, from anything that was expected of her life choices. _

_She put the book aside and crawled up towards the taller woman, straddling her hips as she leaned into her. Their faces were only inches apart and those were gone quickly when the blonde leaned down and pressed her lips onto the soft lips of her girlfriend; a feeling she couldn't get enough of. _

_She separated herself from her and lay down, her head resting on Alex's shoulder as their bodies were pressed together. It was marveling to her, how well their bodies fit against each other- as if they were made for the other. _

"_You know…for someone who claims to not be really the cuddling-type, you are awfully good at this." Her eyes were closed and her voice soft; a small teasing smile graced her lips and it was swiftly kissed away, leaving a big grin in its wake._

"_Yeah, I know. It sucks."_

"_Oh? So you don't like to cuddle with your girlfriend?"_

_She felt Alex pressing a kiss against her cheek, her arms tightening around her as the word _girlfriend_ left her lips. _

"_Nope." _

"_So, cuddling with your awesome, hot, blonde girlfriend is not pleasing to you?"_

_Piper looked up at Alex who scrunched her face up, as if in thought, even added that thinking-humming-sound, and then shook her head. _

"_Nope. Not pleasing."_

_Piper sighed in mock annoyance. "Well, then," She separated herself from Alex's arms and got up, ready to leave the brunette alone on the couch, "search yourself a new cuddle buddy." _

_Laughing, Alex sat up and pulled Piper back down. "Cuddle buddy?"_

_Piper smiled into the kiss she pressed on Alex's lips. "Shut up…"_

* * *

><p>"<em>She is so amazing…" Piper sighed with a dreamy grin before taking a spoonful of her Ben &amp; Jerry's. <em>

_Her best friend rolled her eyes at her, but still smiled. "I know."_

"_And when I am with her it's just…like the whole world stops. Everything becomes background. It's like…the moment I see her I can only concentrate on her and forget about everything and everybody else." Piper couldn't stop talking about Alex and she felt bad about it because she knew she already was spending a lot of her time with the tall brunette and when she could spare time for her best friend Polly she was talking about her girlfriend nonstop; but she couldn't help it. _

"_Well, I'm glad she makes you happy, Pipes. I still think she's a supercunt."_

"_Pol…"_

"_I know, I know…but she was a bitch!" Polly was still annoyed that Piper's supposedly amazing girlfriend acted like such a bitch to her; not even bothering to use Polly's real name._

"_I know and I'm sorry about that…but you know what?"_

_Polly raised an eyebrow in question._

"_She told me that she loves me!" Piper had the biggest grin on her face and all the love she felt for the brunette was about to burst from her very being just thinking about that._

"_What?!" _

"_Yes! We talked about her ex-girlfriend and I asked her if she loved her because I still feel kind of bad but she told me no and then she told me that she loves me!"_

_Even though she was still a little skeptical about the brunette, Polly hugged her best friend tight. As long as the blonde was happy, Polly was happy and if Alex didn't like her she could live with that for as long as the tall girlfriend of her best friend was treating the blonde well. _

"_Did you say it back?" Polly asked._

_The blonde nodded. "Of course. At first I was kind of shocked but when she reminded me…" She giggled at the memory. "When she said that she doesn't say that to just anybody and that I had to say it back…I didn't even hesitate. I love her so much, Polly. She is so amazing."_

_Polly opened her mouth to say something when everything suddenly faded away._

* * *

><p>"Wake up you stupid bitch!"<p>

Her throat was hurting and she felt her heart speeding up. She wanted to open her eyes but everything was so bright that, the moment she separated her eyelids, her head started to hurt.

"Just wake up please…they said you'd wake up soon."

She wanted to say something, but her throat felt clogged and dry and it was just now that she realized that there was a tube that prevented her from closing her mouth. It made her panic and she wanted to pull it out but her arms felt heavy and she couldn't move them far, but her right hand touched something soft.

She heard a gasp and a fumbling and she kept trying to open her eyes, trying to get them used at the brightness.

Suddenly a door burst open as her sight adjusted slowly and she saw a man with a white coat enter, followed by a nurse.

"Miss Chapman, welcome back. I am Doctor Burke and we will now remove the breathing tube. It won't be pleasant but we need you to stay calm, alright?"

Piper nodded slowly as the nurses- which confused her, since she saw only one enter- went to work and she winced but sighed with relief as the tube was fully removed. Her throat was still very dry, though and she was gave a grateful smile to whoever held a small bottle with a drinking straw in it in front of her. She captured the straw between her lips and took a few deep sips, soothing the dryness.

She then looked up and saw Polly who seemed to be crying as she held the bottle and Piper smiled at her hesitantly before looking around, taking the scene in. Behind her seemed to be a big machine and a heart monitor, already starting to irritate her, now that she actually consciously realized that there was a repetitive beeping sound in the background. The nurses were working on it and the doctor waited patiently on her to be ready to talk. She looked at him. "Am I in a hospital?" Her voice seemed foreign, detached from her. It sounded rough, as if she hadn't used it in a while.

"Yes. Miss Chapman, this may be a small shock for you, but you've been in a medically induced coma for nearly two months."

Piper didn't say anything. She looked at the doctor, waiting that he would say that it was just his version of a joke, but he looked dead serious.

"It was necessary. If we would've let you come to naturally, you wouldn't have been able to handle any kind of stimulation. We had to let your body rest."

The blonde let out a shaky breath and looked at Polly, who had a mixture of disappointment and relief on her face and Piper looked down. "What happened?"

"You OD'd. Again." The redhead's voice was shaking; Piper was unable to look at her best friend as shame flooded her.

She overdosed. Slowly, very slowly, it came to her. Things were blurry, but she remembered the syringe- how she found it, _used_ it.

"Miss Harper is right." The doctor took over. "You are very lucky to even be alive. Your medical record said that you already overdosed on heroin once and that it was just a little under two months before your second overdose. Twice, with so little time between them, could have been fatal if you hadn't been found so quickly. But we had to perform heart surgery."

The blonde's eyes widened in shock. She moved her hand up to her chest and inside the hospital gown. She felt around and found a scar, between her breasts, a little to the left.

"Your heart was extremely weak and was not only beating to slow but irregularly as well. It was infected. Heart infections are not rare for heroin addicts. We had to give you a pacemaker to support your heart."

"Okay…" She didn't know what else to say. She wasn't even thirty years old and was already in need of a pacemaker.

The doctor took a deep breath and gave her a look of sympathy which made her anxious. He made it obvious that there was more.

"We also made several tests and scans on your brain activity and your motor skills and there were complications."

He gave her a moment to brace herself but she didn't feel that she could ever be ready for what was to come. Polly took her hand and squeezed it and she squeezed back immediately.

"Your legs lacked any form of response to stimuli and after following tests, in combination with brain activity scans, we found that there was no activity whatsoever when your legs were stimulated. The primary motor cortex- the brain area controlling your motor skills- was damaged by the heroin overdose. I am saddened to say that you will be unable to use your legs."

Piper grasped Polly's hand tightly as the doctor's words settled in. She reached under the blanket, and pinched her legs- hard- but didn't feel anything.

"I'm so sorry, Pipes." Polly pulled the blonde's head towards her, cradling it into her lap as she sat on the edge of the bed. The doctor motioned Polly that he would leave them alone and to use the call-button if there was any need.

When they had their privacy, the redhead pulled away a little, wiping the blonde's tears away. Piper cried silently; she didn't have the energy for loud sobs.

"I'm so sorry, Polly." Her voice was thick. "I'm so sorry, I'm such an idiot!"

"You are right with both. I know and I still love you."

That made Piper only cry harder. She couldn't understand how she deserved a friend like this. She couldn't understand how Polly stood by Piper's side, being disappointed by the blonde over and over again, having to deal with her shit over and over again. It took her a few minutes until she calmed down.

Pulling the blanket away, she looked at her legs. They were useless now. She could never run again. She could never be really independent again. She would need help with the most basic things and with that thought it hit her- the realization of what she really lost, what her addiction took away from her.

She wondered if Alex would accept her like this, she wondered if the brunette would stand by her when she saw her in a wheelchair.

Suddenly her head whipped towards the redhead by her side, her eyes wide. "How's Alex? Does she know?"

Polly raised both eyebrows. "Really? You have to ask me that? She called me every fucking day to ask if you had woken up yet. At first it was sweet but after the third or fourth time it got annoying real quick."

"How did she even have your number?" The blonde furrowed her brows.

Shrugging, the redhead smiled. "I gave it to her. We only have one thing in common and that is that we are caring way too much about your sorry ass, Pipes. I am not cruel enough to keep her in the dark about your condition."

The blonde let out a shaky breath, trying to fight the smile that threatened to appear on her face in the process, but it disappeared quickly as a feeling of guilt and dread took the smile away. "Does she know…about my legs?"

"No. I couldn't bring myself to tell her that the love of her life can't walk anymore."

Piper nodded. She didn't know how to tell Alex that either. The brunette would be furious. And then there also was the pacemaker. How was she supposed to tell Alex all of this?

As if on cue, Polly's phone rang and, as she took the call, she sighed and rolled her eyes, handing the phone to Piper after pressing a button.

Piper took it, confused, and held it at her ear.

"Holly? Are you there?"

Piper felt as if the air was sucked out of her after hearing that voice. "Alex?"

"Pipes? Kid, is that really you?" The brunette's voice was thick with emotion and Piper's eyes got teary at hearing it.

"Yeah, it's me…I…I woke up just an hour ago."

"You are in so much fucking trouble, kid. I hope you are aware of that."

"I'm sorry, Alex…I…I already paid for my mistake." Piper sighed. "I paid big time."

There was a moment's silence before Alex spoke again. "What are you talking about?"

"I don't know if that's something to talk about during a phone call."

"I don't care. What are you talking about?"

"Alright." She took a breath, trying to get as ready as she could for what she was about to break to Alex. "I…I have a pacemaker now."

"Polly told me that already. You fucking idiot."

Glancing at the redhead for a moment, she returned her attention back to the phone call. "Okay…well, there's something else." She sighed. "I…I'm disabled. I can't use my legs anymore." She broke out in tears again as she said these words aloud and Polly took the phone away from her, saying a few things to Alex on the phone before ending the call.

She then returned her attention back to the blonde, again cradling her head against her body, running her fingers through her hair as Piper cried.

It was hard for her to understand that the one thing that made her happy over the past three years lashed back at her in such a cruel way. It seemed that now, that the blonde had the love of her life back in her life, her addiction decided to collect its debt.

* * *

><p>It was a week later that she was cleared from the hospital and was picked up from prison guards to return her back to Litchfield. She felt embarrassed about the orange prison scrubs she was wearing again and about the stares she attracted as the guard pushed her through the hospital corridors. The guard was a rather kind woman, who told her that she would usually take care of her in prison if the need was there.<p>

The guard pushed her wheelchair out of the hospital and towards the van that was waiting outside and Piper had to actually smile when she saw a petite brunette on the driver's seat. After her wheelchair was pushed up the ramp on the back of the van and secured inside, Piper greeted Morello.

"Hey Lorna, how are you?"

The brunette smiled a big smile at the blonde, full of genuine happiness and concern. "I am so much better now- knowing that you are alright! It was unbearable the past months and Vause was so sad the whole time." She gave a reassuring grin. "You'll see, she'll be there for you, the whole way. She was devastated about your legs at first, but she'll take care of you."

Piper felt a little lighter at Lorna's words and wondered if she may be right. The blonde didn't want to be a burden on Alex but she knew that the brunette would insist to help her. She also knew that, if the roles were reversed, she'd do anything to help Alex, to be there for her, to meet any of her needs. She'd help her shower, make her food, push her around in her wheelchair the whole day. Piper loved her too much to not do any of these things. Alex was her life.

When they arrived at Litchfield prison, the guard helped Piper down from the van with her wheelchair. Lorna then gave the keys of the van to the guard and pushed Piper on, inside the prison. The blonde almost questioned her own sanity when she thought for a brief moment about how much she actually missed these bleak walls.

O'Neill joined them into the prison and showed Piper to her new cell and the blonde was pleasantly surprised when she again was dismissed at Miss Rosa's and De Marco's cell.

"Oh blondie, what did you do?" Miss Rosa said in her rough voice, shaking her head at the blonde.

Piper shrugged sheepishly. She never talked much with either woman but held a deep respect for both. "I was stupid. That's the result."

De Marco leaned forward. "I heard you overdosed. Is that true?"

Piper looked back over her shoulder at Morello. "You don't have to wait, you know?"

"But I do have to bring you to Vause. She doesn't know that you are here already."

Piper smiled at that. She looked forward to seeing the brunette. She then turned back to the older woman. "It's true. I…I just found it under my pillow. Someone hid it there and when I found it…I hid it. I should have given it to Alex or Nicky but…I was stupid."

"You weren't stupid. You were a fucking idiot, blondie."

"I know." Piper whispered. Everyone told her that and it was true every time. She was a fucking idiot. The blonde turned back to Lorna. "Can we go see Alex?"

Alex was now more than ever the only light she had in the eternal darkness that engulfed her world.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Here it is. I hope this does meet your expectations somehow. But I need to say something important: I researched <strong>_**everything**_** regarding heroin. I didn't want to bullshit about it. The withdrawal symptoms, the medicine you get to make withdrawal easier, the OD symptoms, the symptoms when you are high on heroin- everything I researched. So yes, heroin can cause heart infections that can make you need pacemakers. ODing on heroin can damage parts of your brain, impairing your speaking ability, motor skills, and so on. Heroin OD has left people in a vegetable state. And the fact that Piper immediately OD'd on that dose she got wasn't because it was a too high dosage to begin with but because, once you OD on heroin, your tolerance to heroin decreases. The dosage one is used to take can be way too high after an OD. That's what happened to Piper. **

**That being said- take care, don't do drugs and thanks for the reviews, favs and follows! ILY guys.**


	9. Everything's Going To Be Okay

She wanted to be swallowed down by a huge hole. It was horrible, her wheelchair being pushed by Lorna, on her way to Alex, and all those other inmates were staring at her, hushed whispers all around her. On their way though, a guard said to Piper that Caputo, the assistant to the warden, wanted to see her.

Lorna was about to turn around when the guard took hold of the wheelchair and said that he would take over. She was glad that he was one of the few nice ones and not Mendez. She was genuinely afraid of that one.

When they reached the office, the guard knocked on the door and was called in. He pushed Piper up to the desk, next to the chair, before stepping out and closing the door behind him.

Piper looked at her lap, fidgeting with the hem of her shirt.

"Inmate." She didn't look up. "Look at me."

She did. His voice was firm, but there was a genuine kindness about him. She only talked to him once before, and from all the officials she had contact with in this prison, he was her favorite, though his mustache made him look a little creepy.

"First of all, I am really sorry about your legs. It must be horrible."

He sounded genuine enough and Piper gave a half hearted shrug. "My own fault. Now I have to deal with it." She didn't feel half as nonchalant about it as she tried to make it sound but she didn't want to break down in front of him either.

"Now, there is one really important matter and I need you to be honest with me. Don't protect anyone because lying about this will get you in SHU and I really don't want to put someone there who just found out that she can't use her legs." Piper looked down again. "Where did you get the heroin from?"

"I…I honestly just found it under my pillow. Someone sneaked it there." She stared right at him. "I swear."

He sighed and leaned back, running a hand through his thinning hair. "Do you have any idea who it could have been? Do you know of an inmate smuggling drugs?"

Piper remained silent. She was scared. She wanted to see Alex. Usually, she would twitch a leg up and down in a situation like this; it was a nervous habit, deeply carved into her memory, something so natural and it didn't happen. It felt _wrong_.

She wanted to cry.

"Chapman." Caputo leaned forward. "Do you know something?"

His gaze was penetrating and she wanted to look away but she couldn't. He mouth closed and opened a few times when suddenly her shoulders sagged down and she slumped against the back of her wheelchair. She was tired of _this_, of her whole situation. She just wanted to curl up in Alex's lap, have her run her fingers through her hair while she slept for hours and hours, without any drama, fears, without prison and addictions.

Without disabilities.

"You wouldn't believe me anyway."

Caputo leaned back, adjusted his tie before folding his hands over his stomach. "Try me."

"I think it's the guard Mendez."

She would've laughed about the way Caputo's brows suddenly shot up if the situation wouldn't have made it highly inappropriate.

"Come again?"

"Mendez. The guard. When I…when I was in the middle of my withdrawal, he would escort me in the night to the nurse so I would get my medicine. He sneaked me a syringe then. Inmate…an inmate stopped me from using then…it wouldn't surprise me if it was Mendez." She shrugged. "I saw him getting a blowjob from another inmate for drugs. But you won't get any names of inmates from me. I don't want to involve any of them in this."

Caputo looked as if he was punched in his stomach. He slumped back in his chair, ran his hand again through his barely-there-hair again. "We don't have any real evidence on him aside from your word."

"What about the syringe I used? Didn't you have them looked at or something?"

"They were clean aside from your fingerprints."

"Then check out his fucking car tomorrow or something?"

Caputo considered it for a moment before nodding slowly. "Yeah…yeah, that's actually a good idea."

Piper shook her head in wonderment, finding it sad that she had to point out the obvious out at him. "Are we done?"

He looked confused for a second before nodding at her. "Yes…yes, right, we are done. Thank you for your cooperation."

He was about to call for a guard when Piper spoke up again. "Mr. Caputo, sir?"

"Yeah?"

"Umm…could I…could you assign me to a new counselor?"

"Why?" Dread already appeared on his face. It was obvious that he didn't want to have to deal with more problems on top of the matter with Mendez.

"I don't feel comfortable with him and he…threatened to put me in SHU in case I got close with another inmate."

"Well, you do realize you can't have sex in prison?"

She blushed a little. "Well, yes, but he doesn't like that particular inmate and he has this weird lesbian fetish going and I just…please?"

He sighed at her, giving up when she made those big bambi eyes. "Alright, I'll see what I can do."

Piper gave him a beaming smile. "Thank you so much sir. You are the best."

His ears took a red hue when he called for the guard to take her out.

* * *

><p>She was still trying to get used to controlling a wheelchair. Never having been particularly strong, moving the wheels made her arms ache quickly but she didn't want to be pushed around from random people or from people whom she hardly knew.<p>

She tried to find Alex but didn't know where she was and where to look first, so she stopped next to two young black girls, one with a shaved head and a pretty face and fit looking body and the other was thicker all around and had positivity all around her. Piper felt safe enough around them so she asked them if they knew where Alex was.

"Who?" The thicker one asked.

"Umm…Vause? Alex Vause? You know; tall, pale, dark hair, hot gla- um, I mean, uh, glasses. Just glasses." She blushed furiously at her slipup.

The one with the shaved head smirked at her. "I know who ya mean. C'mon, let me help ya."

"That's okay, uh, you can just tell me-"

"Shut up blondie and let a bitch help ya white ass out, man!" The thicker one interrupted her before breaking out in laughter, high-fiving the thinner one in the process.

"Alright…thanks, um…?"

"Poussey." The short haired one pointed to herself. "Taystee." She pointed to her companion.

"Thanks, Poussey and Taystee." Piper smiled at them.

Poussey pushed the blonde's wheelchair in a lazy pace, she and Taystee greeting other inmates every once in a while, when she asked Piper the question the blonde knew she was dying to ask.

"So, what happened to your legs? I seen ya walk around just like yesterday."

"I'm pretty sure there had to been rumors around here about what happened." Piper replied, her voice low.

Taystee spoke up. "Yeah, bitches said you od'd."

"It's true. First time I got lucky. This time it damaged some part in my brain and now I can't use my legs anymore."

"That sucks. You gotta stay away from that shit now though. Ya ain't have that kinda luck ever again, blondie."

"I know."

They arrived at the common room where Alex, Nicky and Lorna were sitting on a table, talking. Pipe couldn't stop the smile that was rapidly growing on her face. She turned back to the two girls who accompanied her. "Thank you both, I'm okay from here on."

"Not a problem." Poussey grinned at her as she and Taystee both waved at her goodbye.

Piper then wheeled herself towards the table when Nicky looked up at her direction. "Holy shit, Chapman!"

Alex nearly fell down from her chair when she turned and got up, all in one move, before rapidly closing the distance between the two.

The brunette dropped down in front of the blonde, a hand on one of Piper's legs, running a thumb over what was once one of Piper's favorite spots to be touched by Alex.

The blonde shrugged in frustration, her lower lip started trembling and her eyes started to burn rapidly as she felt them well up with tears. "I don't feel anything…" Her voice was shaking as she grabbed Alex's hand, stopping her.

Alex sighed, her eyes full of sadness. "I'm so sorry, Pipes…"

"Why? You didn't do anything." She scoffed. "This is my own fault."

Alex stared at her, a small laugh escaping her lips as a big smile appeared on her face.

"What?" Piper raised an eyebrow at her.

"You are alive, Pipes." The brunette looked up at Piper, a rare thing in itself, but what made Piper catch her breath was the amount of love and relief she saw in that one gaze she received from Alex. Just then it made her realize how scared Alex must have been, wondering if she was alive or when the doctors would make her wake up; _if _she would _ever_ wake up. "You are alive." She breathed it out, a shaky smile grazing Alex's full lips. "I am pissed at what you did but I am so happy."

Piper smiled back and touched Alex's cheek, her smile widening when Alex leaned into the palm of her hand. "I'm so sorry, Alex."

"You better be. I am really so pissed at you."

"I know."

"You could have died!"

"I know…" Piper sighed. "Can we go to the table?" The blonde suddenly asked after looking around. All eyes were on them.

Alex nodded and immediately went to the back of Piper's wheelchair, pushing her towards Nicky and Lorna.

When they reached the table, Piper was greeted by a wide grin thrown her way from Nicky. The crazy haired woman looked almost teary eyed when she threw a weak punch at the blonde's shoulder. "I'm glad you are back, even if you had to be rolled here. But what were you thinking man?"

Piper looked down at her lap, her fingers fidgeting against each other. "I wasn't thinking…I just…I'm sorry."

"You realize I will take it as an insult that you told neither me nor Vause that you were struggling."

She nodded. What was there to say? Piper knew that she screwed up; big time. She made Polly and Cal go through her overdosing not once, but _twice_. She betrayed Nicky's trust and loyalty; she made Alex lose her almost again- although this time it would have been permanently.

"It's okay now, Pipes." Alex took one of her hands, interlocking their fingers. "Honestly, right now I am just relieved that…that you are here."

The blonde smiled at their hands, caressed Alex's with her thumb, drawing lazy circles over her smooth skin. They used to hold hands often, back in their glory days when the world was theirs to conquer and now, all these years later, holding hands with the brunette still was like second nature to her. It was marveling.

"So…" Nicky began. "Are you like, you know, disabled waste down or is it just your legs?"

Lorna slapped the bushy haired redhead on her arms and looked apologetically at the blonde.

"It's okay." She gave the petite brunette a reassuring smile. "It's just my legs, thank god. I don't have need of a catheter or something, but it's really annoying to have to sit all the time…sometimes it just gets to me, y'know?" Her voice started to waver and her grip on Alex's hand tightened. "I used to go on runs often, before I started using and…and I promised myself, that once I get out I would start running again and now…I can't do anything!"

Alex moved her chair closer to Piper and pulled the blonde into a hug, which the blonde accepted readily, her arms locking fiercely around Alex's neck, pulling her closer as she started to sob into the brunette's neck.

Nicky and Lorna looked sympathetically at the blonde before Lorna got up and pulled the redhead with her, wanting to give Alex and Piper a little privacy.

Alex gave the short woman a grateful smile before resuming her consoling of the sobbing blonde. Piper calmed down after a little while but kept her arms locked around Alex, her face still buried in her neck. "I don't know how I am going to do this, Alex." She mumbled into the brunette's skin.

"_We_ will make it through this. I promise you, Pipes. I am not going to leave you alone in this."

It was a teary, messy grin she gave Alex when she pulled away. There were doubts and fears- she had to admit to herself- when she wondered if Alex would stick by her after this. Piper knew that she was fucked up, that being with her- especially now- was a dangerous thing to do. A relationship with her nowadays meant work, patience and an insurmountable amount of trust. No person she knew would want to be with a disabled ex-junkie who overdosed twice and needed a pacemaker on top of the wheelchair. She was a broken person, someone people would be better off without.

But then there was Alex. Piper just grinned at her, her hand caressing the smooth skin of the brunette's cheek.

"I love you so much, Alex." She had to say it. If she didn't, she would implode.

The brunette grinned; a wide, happy and innocent grin, so far off from the usual smirk guarding her insecurities. "You said it first."

A small chuckle left the blonde as she leaned forward but not before looking around for a guard. When she saw none, she closed the small gap between them, bracing herself on Alex's arm as the brunette grasped the wheelchair, keeping it from rolling away under the blonde.

It was a feeling so different and yet so familiar, when her lips touched the brunette's. Her heart still sped up the same way, her skin still tingled the same way, and her core still heated up rapidly the way it always did when she would kiss Alex.

When they separated, Piper threw a small teasing smile at Alex. "You have to say it back."

Laughing, as she remembered those words so vividly, Alex pecked the blonde's lips. "I love you too."

The blonde was grinning from ear to ear and she felt like she was about to combust. This was it. This was what she was waiting for, what she wanted to hear again since she left back in Paris. She was happy; genuinely happy without the help of drugs, without having to poison her body.

Piper bit her lower lip, hoping that this wouldn't be too forward, as she looked at Alex, her eyes filled with desire. "Let's go inside the chapel."

Alex's eyes darkened with lust as she got up wordlessly and pushed the blonde's wheelchair towards their destination.

"So, there's no problem down there?"

Grinned at Alex over her shoulder, Piper felt her cheeks heating up as a faint red hue was coloring them. "I already did a test run one night in the hospital. Everything works just fine."

A strangled chuckle escaped the brunette as she felt her sex heating up at the image of the blonde fingering herself. "Good to know."

* * *

><p>Piper's legs were around the brunette's shoulders, placed there by Alex. She wished she could squeeze them, she wished she could lock them firmly around the love of her life but she had to make do with what she had and that was a lot.<p>

Alex's tongue inside her folds, licking and slurping on her wetness, her lips around her clit, sucking and sending her mind reeling. She groaned as she felt two long digits enter her, her fingers tightening inside the raven locks. She knew she must be a sight to hold; her blonde hair a mess, her cheeks still stained with tear streaks as she broke down on Alex not even an hour ago. Her legs limb and lifeless on Alex's shoulders and Alex's face firmly buried between them.

She groaned as she felt herself inching closer and closer to the edge. Her body started to tense and she couldn't keep quiet. "I'm coming! I'm coming, I'm coming…"

Alex smirked up at her for a moment, her mouth and lips glistening with Piper's wetness. "Show, don't tell." And she dived back to her favorite place.

She clamped her lips firmly around Piper's clit and suckled and licked, her fingers pumping in and out of the blonde mercilessly, driving her over the edge. Piper's back arched and she sagged back down, a satisfied lazy smile on her face as Alex untangled herself from the blonde's legs, putting them gently down before crawling up to meet Piper's lips, making her moan as she tasted herself.

"Horrible, wasn't it?"

Piper giggled, her heart jumping at remembering their first time- though it ended badly- but it was amazing that Alex remembered everything, as did she. "The worst."

They both laughed together and suddenly Piper felt like everything was alright. She felt as if they weren't in prison, as if she could still walk, as if she wasn't an addict. She felt like 23 again.

Reaching up, she pulled Alex down again, kissing her fiercely before breaking it again, just so that she still felt they lips brushing against each other.

She smirked as another memory resurfaced; one of her favorites.

"I want to taste what you taste like."

As Alex closed in on her lips again, moaning into her and declaring her love for her over and over again, she knew that she would be okay.

With Alex, everything was always okay because Alex was everything.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Honestly, this chapter broke my heart because this chapter is the last. There is nothing more to tell in this. This was my favorite of all the OitNB fics I had written and I wished that there was more to tell but there just isn't. Piper and Alex are together again and Piper feels that her world has finally been set right and even though she still has a hard time to adjust to the loss of her use of her legs, she knows that with Alex she can make it.<strong>

**Right now I want to continue with PIC and IP, probably finish IP first since that is just a really short fic with only 2 or 3 chapters in total. **

**I hope you enjoyed this and that you are not too disappointed in me for ending this so quickly.**

**And, if you want, you can send me ideas and suggestions for OitNB one shots. I don't care if it's just K rated fluff or kinky M rated adult scene kind of stuff as long as it is Piper/Alex. You may also suggest Schilling/Prepon stuff if you want. I'll pick those that appeal most to me and I'll add the names of those who suggested it in my AN. And I'll definitely post the one of the 100****th**** reviewer of CT. Yes, this is me shamelessly trying to get a 100 reviews in this but I don't give a hoot.**

**So, that being said, check out my other fics and please review, I love nothing more than reviews. And favs and follows too. Thanks everyone for reading and enjoying this!**


End file.
